Balance in the Force? A Ranking of Every Piece of Star Wars Media I’ve Consumed
Part 1: The Movies
Hello all, another Star Wars day has come, and soon it will be gone. With my general disappointment in the franchise over the last couple of years, my enthusiasm has wilted. At times, it’s difficult to remember where the love for it all began, and it’s in that frame of mind that the ridiculous idea for this project emerged. How much do I love Star Wars? Is it worth loving at all? As these questions mulled around in my head, the only empirical way of discovering an answer emerged: I’d have to consider every piece of Star Wars I’d ever encountered. Undaunted, I plunged ahead with enthusiasm; here we are with the first results, covering only the movies in the franchise.
First, here are the rules for the ranking:
-Rankings are 2 part: a general “good” and “bad” and then a numerical score (out of 5) based on aesthetic (how much does it feel like star wars?), nostalgia (how well do I remember this?) and quality (is this good regardless of the other 2 criteria?). Points in the “good” category are +, points in the bad are -. Everything goes onto a scale which shifts with the numerical points added one way or the other to determine objectively/subjectively if most of the Star Wars I’ve encountered is good or bad.
- Something that I remember is “good” or “bad” but I cannot remember the details of will receive a score of 0. These are things I want to highlight but cannot remember enough details to allow them to sway the scales.
- Fan made pieces of media do not count. Neither does BTS footage off DVDS/Promotions, but documentaries will be placed on the scale (i.e. Empire of Dreams or The Beginning). As long as it is an overall product made by Lucasfilm/Disney, it counts. (The People vs. George Lucas does not count, nor Star Wars Underworld: an XXX Parody for that matter. Both are parodies/fan made. Carrie Fisher’s books will also not be taken into account, although I cannot recommend them enough.)
- the list is written generally in order of “canonicity”. Basically, how much does each type of media affect the overall direction of the franchise?
- Series for the most part are considered as a whole, with rare exceptions (i.e. such as the Battlefront games, which vary wildly in quality).
- Book adaptations of films are also disregarded. My apologies to Alan Dean Foster.
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on each Star Wars movie.
- Prequel Trilogy (Bad, -5)
o As it turns out, I skipped the very first entry on this list. Go figure. So, after wading in the wake of some truly awful pieces of Star Wars’s history, I can definitively say that the Prequels are not the worst part of the series. Mind you, they’re not good, but they aren’t as bad as The Book of Boba Fett or Flight of the Falcon. Neither do they fail for the gambles they took; the politics, the design work — none of this ruined the prequels, and in all likelihood they enhanced the movies. George Lucas actually constructed an erstwhile depiction of the end of a civilization, as well as the ways it preceded the eras following its collapse. Thematically, this is sound. Instead, failures lay in the decisions made by George and his advocates, the people feeding him positivity for his worst impulses. The problem is the editing, direction, acting, and dialogue — the aspects George had final say on, or that he micromanaged. Talented individuals worked on the prequels, and their hard work shines through the mess. Ewan McGregor captures Alec Guiness’s spirit, Doug Chiang led an incredible design team at ILM that remains to this day, and technological developments behind and on camera pushed the entire industry into the modern age. It’s simply unfortunate that these become obscured by the trilogy’s worst aspects. Luckily, both McGregor, Chiang, and countless others received their second chances to prove themselves under the direction of Disney to varying levels of success.
- Original Trilogy (Good, +5)
The conflict between the Prequel trilogy and the Original Trilogy has been argued over at length by millions of other people (see the aforementioned The People vs. George Lucas). I can contribute little else to the conversation, other than the fact that both trilogies serve as a baseline measurement for quality. Until the fairly recent reappraisal of Lucas’s return to Star Wars, the positives and negatives of the franchise were attributed to either trilogy accordingly. The Originals are unimpeachable, although growing up with the Prequel Trilogy, seeing each in theaters, definitely inspired a strong sense of nostalgia. However, even the guiltiest of pleasures cannot forgive the shoddiness of those films, regardless of what I said earlier. While intriguing additions to the world Lucas created, particularly through their wonderful design elements, the Prequel’s fail to register anywhere close to the quality of the earlier films. There’s a reason that twitter threads asking for the “best shots in Star Wars” could be used to recreate the Original Trilogy shot-for-shot. That may be hyperbole, but their role in pop culture will endure for as long as film continues.
- Force Awakens/Last Jedi (Good, +5)
Recognizing this, Disney brought their best effort to reviving Star Wars as a quality investment in the mid-2010s, resulting in two movies that adhere closely to the tenets- as well as the plots- of the Original Trilogy as possible. Despite their polarizing effect on the fanbase, The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi remain close to not only Lucas’s spirit, but his mythology as well. Their inventive remix of the franchise’s best characteristics forego the decades of complaints that Lucas exchanged the soul of the series for a cut (or more like the whole pie) of the merchandising profits. They bring to mind the dissipating retinal persistence of a young man, hair overgrown from his jaw coiffed hairdo, as he sent a ridiculous thirteen page named The Star Wars to perplexed old men who didn’t realize they had something greater than gold held in their hands. Of course, this isn’t how Disney proceeded at all; gone were the days when Lucas, wary of studio interference, procured independent funding for his Star Wars sequels in what could be one of the riskiest risk-averse moves ever taken in filmmaking. Nonetheless, the largest media conglomerate in the known galaxy kept the same pretense of this creative spark alive for at least two movies, only to shatter the illusion completely with its third…
- Rise of Skywalker (Bad, -5)
o I often wonder what it would be like if I’d grown up with the Rise of Skywalker. After all, on release Return of the Jedi received a similar, polarizing backlash, and I love that movie. But I did not grow up with Rise, I’ll never know. I can’t stand the film. It’s a shallow deconstruction of the efforts put forth by Rian Johnson in Last Jedi¸ but more importantly offers the least compelling (and, according to Daisy Ridley, unplanned) answers to the mysteries introduced by J.J. Abrams in The Force Awakens. Even when extracted from its status as the end of the “Skywalker Saga” (which is ridiculous), Rise still isn’t a good film. It lurches through fits of hyperactive disfunction, most of the exposition arising through shouting matches between the lead trio as they try to match the noise of each sequence. It adds nothing important to the trilogy, which ultimately is the cardinal sin. Rather than show meaningful progress, it displays another rote battle between the Emperor and Rebel Alliance/Resistance, this time with the stakes comically astronomical.
Disney seems to have realized how spaced out the franchise became during and after Rise of Skywalker, hence why the film brand was effectively shuttered until the announced films at Star Wars Celebration 2023. After a break that was admittedly not unwelcome, I hope Disney puts their best foot forward with these approaching movies.
- Rogue One (Good, +1)
o Disney released Rogue One only a year after The Force Awakens; as such, it became a loadbearing pillar for the franchise’s hopes beyond the trilogy films. Had Rogue One failed, little doubt remains that projects ranging from The Mandalorian to Star Wars: Visions wouldn’t exist. It was the first attempt since Lucas’s Ewoks and Clone Wars to spin the expanded universe into movie theaters, but this risk paid off in spades. Despite Rogue’s confusing premise (for a while, people kept asking where the Bothan Spies were), it generated hundreds of millions in profit. At the same time, it’s difficult for me to appreciate Rogue One, especially as its quality deteriorates with each rewatch. It stretched the brand too far, introducing a grim world which clashed with the humanist tone of the previous films. Because of this, Rogue resembles the tragedy of Revenge of the Sith tonally. Unlike Sith, which showed restraint for actor cameos, Rogue pioneered techniques to bring (una)live actors back to the screen- younger versions of both Carrie Fisher and Peter Cushing’s characters appear briefly. This has spawned an obsession with the tech, particularly in Disney’s other franchises. The advancements in this realm of ‘machine learning’ have terrifying implications, but in Rogue One they’re mostly just laughable. Still, the movie’s not entirely terrible. Regardless of this major flaw, Rogue One has some kickass action scenes, memorable characters, and fantastic production design that make it a worthy addition to the film canon.
- Solo (Bad, -1)
o Truth be told, Solo commits the greatest offense possible for any piece of Star Wars media, no hyperbole: it’s forgettable. While I recall the broad strokes of its plot well, due in no small part to its simplicity, the details escape me. Because of this, it’s tempting to blame this on the absence of Harrion Ford. After all, his laid-back charisma gave the character all his charm. However, pieces of Han’s backstory prove intriguing in their own right, particularly his relationships to other enigmatic characters. There’s Lando Calrissian, the scoundrel who mirrors Han’s every movement, as well as the Orson Welle’s-esque mob boss Jabba the Hutt. Don’t forget the galaxy’s own Man with No Name, Boba Fett, who seems to have a history with Solo beyond their encounter in Empire Strikes Back. Not to mention the story of Han and Chewbacca’s brotherhood, a tale Lucas chomped at the bit to include as far back as Revenge of the Sith (again, he showed remarkable restraint with that movie… relatively). Yet, Disney ignored these tantalizing bits of Han’s backstory, no doubt in the hopes of returning to them in future sequels. In its place are bland western archetypes and a villain at the beck and call of Darth Maul, a legacy figure hopelessly disconnected from anything resembling Han’s mythos. That being said, there isn’t anything in the film that warrants a score lower that I’ve given it; it’s serviceable, forgettable fun that looks weirdly like a war movie, its levels of color desaturation pushed as far as Zack Snyder’s grim plush. Alden Ehrenreich also does a poor job of replicating Ford’s charisma, lacking the skills necessary to embody the legendary curmudgeon. Unlike others, though, I won’t blame the film’s financial failure on him; Disney made the first of the stupendously bad decisions to remake the movie after it was shot once, leading to a profitability margin that also made marketing the film untenable. With the clarity of how little the company trusted its success, no wonder audiences failed to show up.
- The Clone Wars 2008 (Bad, -5)
o This low score for this late 2000s dud may catch a few readers by surprise, but those in the know will understand. While I may not be a fan of the television series (more on that later), it’s peak television compared to its beyond inauspicious beginnings. To further prove my biases against the series aren’t due to this movie, I also didn’t see it until after becoming a regular series watcher. I’ve also seen it more than once, for some reason, which is at least twice as many times as it should be seen. Again, my memories are vague beyond the basic premise: Jabba the Hutt’s baby has been kidnapped, So Anakin and the padawan he’s babysitting (oh have times have changed) have to rescue him from the Separatists. Other characaters, like Obi Wan, tag along needlessly without a purpose, although Asajj Ventress’s return is a welcome addition to the canon. The Clone Wars universe was lucky enough to survive past this misfire, and since has become a monolith unto itself lucky with spin-offs and live-action projects still in the pipeline. If anything, this film signified death on arrival.
- The Star Wars Holiday Special (Bad, -3 [since it’s the first time you see these characters again in live action, it gets points)
o As a natural contrarian, I would love report back that The Star Wars Holiday Special is a misunderstood classic, but it’s not. It’s an impenetrable slog. It scrapes by with the score I gave it purely due to the return of the main cast, the first time these characters had reappeared onscreen since the original 1977 movie. Sure, they’re all way beyond phoning it in, and Mark Hamill looks kind of terrifying with makeup slathered on his face to cover the scars of his recent car accident, but everyone is there… even if Vader only appears in scenes repurposed from the now-destroyed Death Star. I can’t praise their inclusion too highly, of course, because Chewbacca’s strange family mug for most of the screen time (along with a cooking show hosted by Harvey Korman in black face. Yikes.) so, just maybe, I was a little too generous with this special in retrospect. At least Jefferson Starship performs a great song (the most surprising part of this whole disaster) and the cartoon portion’s kind of fun. That cartoon is the only part of the special available on Disney +, although that’s likely due to Jon Favreau’s maniacal references to it on The Mandalorian.
- Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (Bad, -2)
o Well, if the Holiday Special didn’t convince Lucas that Star Wars was better left off television, the Ewok movies finished the job. Again, it pains me to say this- I would love to discover some under sung gems in the franchise out here, but this is not the case. Fortunately, Caravan of Courage’s worst offense is boredom. It’s a pat, somewhat archaic throwback to family specials that aired on television in the 60s and 70s; Burl Ives’ narration solidifies this as a shocking blast of nostalgia- if you don’t know the name, you know the voice. Despite Ewok Adventure’s low budget charm (and its creature designs pulled from scrapped Return of the Jedi ideas), the movie falls to pieces once the titular Caravan begins their quest. Past that point, the movie mashes embarrassing visual effects work with equally juvenile antics; it’d be asinine for anyone past the age of ten. Though, kudos to it for introducing a character named “Mace”, a name which surely wouldn’t reappear in the franchise.
- Ewoks: Battle for Endor (Bad, -4)
o To be entirely honest, it’s difficult for me to speak to the quality of this film. Upon watching it at the tender age of six or seven, I was so terrified by what I saw that I never watched it again. The protagonist- a little girl named Cindel from the first movie- watches as her family dies in the first ten minutes! The villains are these uncanny riffs on the Planet of the Apes who worship a space witch that I can only describe as “pagan”! Of course, part of this comes from the discomfort of a vibe that tilts closer to fantasy than science fiction, resulting from Lucas’s early gestations on Willow. But for someone without an understanding of the mid-80s fantasy revival (Legend, Ladyhawk, Dragonheart, etc.), the tone of Battle for Endor becomes off-putting. For that reason, not any to do with its quality, Battle for Endor ranks low for me. It’s a shame that I remember this duology poorly, considering how they came into my life. My uncle, who lives out west, came to visit us and brought us a gift: the Ewoks movies on a double-sided DVD. Having never gone anywhere near the internet at this point, I had no idea more Star Wars existed at all. Imagine my surprise when we popped Battle for Endor into the disc drive and the only people in the movie seemingly blow up immediately. People I had no relationship to, as I’d skipped straight to the sequel with the more exciting name. Let this be a warning to all those out there to stick to the release order when watching a series.
- Empire of Dreams: The Story of the Star Wars Trilogy (Good, +4)
o Having watched this documentary several times, I know it’s propaganda. The last ten minutes act as a glorified commercial for the special editions of the Original Trilogy (ironically, this documentary would be included on their DVD releases as a selling point). However, it still offers an illuminating, if selective, history of the Star Wars saga, especially with its focus on the craftspeople behind the design, effects, sound, etc. Before seeing this documentary, Star Wars seemed like an impossible fantasy. Afterwards, I realized it was something much more. Every person that worked on the movies, each a wire act stretched to the tension point, conjured magic from thin air… (using the absolute best technology at the time). While frontloaded- the paucity of information on Return of the Jedi is disappointing- I can’t imagine a fan finishing this doc without a newfound appreciation for the series they love.
- Episode 1: The Beginning (Good, +4)
o Here’s another commercial, this time for the Phantom Menace, that proves less than convincing of that film’s quality. Don’t get me wrong, Phantom Menace employed artists at the height of their creative abilities, producing stunning work which combined the best of practical effects with early CGI. But Lucas’s self-deprecating personality casts a pall over the whole endeavor, more so in light of the finished product’s failure than it probably appeared at the time. For example: this documentary is the origin of his oft-memed quote, “I may have gone too far in a few places”. That being said, I don’t think those involved believe they made a subpar product; everyone (with the exception a disinterested Steven Spielberg during a set visit) seemed more than game during production. In a way, The Beginning is likely the best production to emerge from Phantom Menace, both for its rumination on technique as well as attitude.
Total Score: -6
Well, there we have it, the end of the first part. The results… are not satisfying; we’re in the red. The next part has an opportunity to change that as we discuss the new world of Star Wars television.
