The Depression vs Addiction 2x4.

After what was for me, a sufferer of both wonderful treats listed in the title, I had my most severe panic attack ever. I knew it was coming. I knew it for quite some time, but didn’t know how this one was going to play out. I was taunting it, waiting for it to strike so I could finally get some attention and voice all the mania going on in my carnival head* to someone. (*From here on out it will be noted as CH*) I am somewhat of a small success story in my sobriety as having a strong 8 years. That being said I’ve gained, and let’s be honest, tossed to the curb but also kept and fine tuned some quality skills that have been harder and harder to pull from my belt lately. Life has gotten more difficult lately for sure, and I’m not quite sure I even want to try and handle it. I think many folks feel like just giving up….but in the sense of NOT doing chores, tasks, duties, assignments, etc, and just letting it pile, HOPING that the people around who you “feel like” are using and abusing you, step up and help out with things. All I need is some daily and monthly chores taken off my back and allowed some time to recharge myself and be me. But will I take advantage of that time and be willing to do things for myself? Be willing to stroll past all the things that get at me daily that aren’t being done and keep focused and happy while doing my own thing? Doubt it….too much temptation to get pissed off and just do something I should pass on not worry about. How will it end?……Stay tuned…i could use an audience that understands the CF and is willing to laugh at it a bit with me.

Much Love, Me

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