The Surface Pro 4 + Windows 10 Dumpster Fire

So. The 2/17/2016 super awesome firmware update that was the ONE TO RULE THEM ALL. Has succeeded in making things worse. Without further ado, let’s get started…

Things burning in a dumpster fire:

  1. Waking the device from sleep after driving from home to work often times greets me with a black screen of despair. The type cover is ever optimistic, as it’s back-light as well as the function key toggle operate normally. Alas with no video, it’s a dumpster fire.
  2. Sometimes, if I let it sit and think about things the video will come on and I can stop swearing about all the money I could have spent on beer if not for this unreliable tablet.
  3. I should note that once I make it to work and the SP4 has successfully made the screen go, it’s fine… UNTIL THE DRIVE HOME WHERE THE DANCE WILL CONTINUE BACK AT STEP 1.
  4. In addition to the wake up swear menagerie, if the SP4 wakes up, there’s a good chance it’s been busy burning down the battery. For instance, in the 15 minutes it took for me to drive from work to the car dealer the SP4 burned through 6% of it’s battery. In connected standby. In the laptop bag

What have you done for me lately?

  • I have “gone back to formula” in an effort to separate out any 3rd party software doing it’s dance with the Win10 internals.
  • Full-stop “nuke and pave” from MSDN ISO. Result => Dumpster fire from above.
  • Back-to-factory “restore from surface image” from Microsoft USB image => Dumpster fire from above.
  • All updates are installed => Didn’t matter, dumpster fire.
  • Firmware update success verified => Meh, dumpster fire.

Oh GOD IT BURNS

As there has been radio silence ever since the update dropped, or plopped, on us long suffering (outside the return window) Surface Pro owners — one can only assume that Microsoft deems the problem settled. It is not.

Why did I not return it during the window? Well, the majority of the time it was before FRANKENFIRMWARE 2.17.16 was unleashed into it’s Gears of War like state of rampage upon the masses. Since then, I’ve gone through a half dozen permutations of re-installation and poking around at possible ways of mitigating the stupid that is the SP4 + Windows 10 combination.

But I’ve largely stopped. It’s unrealistic for users to have to try to put out this dumpster fire. The blame lies squarely into whichever quad on the Redmond campus green-lit this product in this state. Just like on my iPhone, I leave every default setting on and if my iPhone dies without the help of Facebook, I can rightly blame the ghost of Steve Jobs for my rage and expect that Apple will sort it out.

The SP4 was the “tablet that can replace your laptop”. Unless you need to be able to move it to different locations and have it wake up. Or you need it to not burn through it’s battery in it’s bag while “sleeping”.

WILL YOU GET TO THE BLOODY QUESTION ALREADY?

Sure. When can we in the SP4 community get some relief? Additionally, if Microsoft has deemed the matter closed, will Microsoft extend our return window so we can walk away from a broken product?

My specs don’t really matter, but hey here you go: Surface Pro 4, i5, 8GB, 256GB. Fully locked and loaded Windows 10 install.

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