DEAR WORLD, I’M SORRY!
For the time I hurt you to be true to myself,
For the time you hurt me to be true to yourself,
And I did not understand,
What you had reciprocated.
For the time I said I had forgiven you,
But my hot tears burnt like the embers of hell,
Which I hoped you’d flame in –
For the rest of your f***ing life!
For all the words I spoke in anger,
When I was merely angry with myself;
For all the things I did wrong by trying to find what was right,
When it was all already fine.
For that new job I said I’d get this year,
But I didn’t;
For that new resume I haven’t yet created,
And that book I abandoned writing.
For the time I said I could not make it,
When you needed me,
I said I was busy,
But I just couldn’t get my a** out of bed.
I’m sorry for the time I didn’t listen to you,
Because it pained to hear you echo my broken pieces back to me,
And your words cut through me,
Like a sharp razor –
I was bleeding on the inside.
For all the things I will never do,
For the best version of me,
I might never be,
While I pursue my mundane dreams.
That I let you love me,
When I couldn’t love myself,
Then I cursed you for leaving,
Because you felt unloved by the loveless.
Hey, I’m sorry for saying sorry,
when I was not at all sorry;
And I’m sorry,
For the time I did not say sorry,
When I really meant to.
That I don’t have it all worked out,
That there is someone else,
I find solace in,
And it’s not you.
To that grandma on the tram number 2,
In Krasnodar city,
This is a special sorry to you,
For my ancestors mixing blood,
Making me an impure race.
I’m also sorry,
For the parents meeting I missed,
Because I was trying to be a good breadwinner,
But enough is never enough.
When all this …
I am so terribly sorry –
Even when I’m not.
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