PORN: The most destructive yet satisfying act ever performed

I’ve never admitted something like this before in this way…

I’ve watched porn.

I’ve been addicted to it. I’m not proud to admit this. During, I feel satisfied. After, I feel relaxed. The next day I don’t feel myself. It’s a horrible curse, that I’ve allowed to spread onto other areas in my life. Porn is the most destructive addiction.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life just like many of us have. Almost to the point where I’ve wondered how and if things will ever get better. Sure, I’m thankful for what I’m fortunate to have: good friends, a supportive family, and a job. But, I’ve allowed myself to feel satisfied through porn. It’s bad.

And aside from all the ass and boobs I even allowed myself to be addicted to all kinds of porn. No, NOT like categories of porn. I’m talking about other addictions that feel like porn.

You see in 2008 I had a lot going on. It was my freshman year in college. I was applying for one of the toughest majors (architecture), being part of the Executive Team at my fraternity, dealing with a breakup with a girlfriend of four years, and my parents’ divorce. It was all happening at once.

It fucking sucked.

To stay positive and have fun I always like thinking about how I could take my talents and change the world. And I would think about how I could do this in the online, now digital world. Why? That was my getaway. The real world really fucking sucked. I needed a vacation but couldn’t just pack my bags and skip class. So, I opened up my Mac, plugged in my headphones, loaded up a Skype chat with a couple of friends I met online, and would just stay up all night.

Then came the next day. Real life still sucked.

Back to the computer, headphones, Skype chat, and crazy amount of snacks and caffeinated beverages.

You might be thinking, are we still talking about porn? Just wait. I mean I couldn’t really get aroused with all this shit going on. I needed to just do something fun. And what was fun was talking about changing the world with great friends and working my ass off building the prep work for that day everything changes.

Alright so life got better. Phew, right?

I was still having these late nights of hustling — working on a project to change lives and make money. But, I went back to porn. Turns out that whenever I would get the feeling of everything being okay and good I would revert back to porn.

The stupidest thing I’ve done. And the stupidest thing many do and still do.

It got worse.

Not the frequency. Not the length. And not the category or type. It was the fact that porn now was taking shape in a different form. The function was still to satisfy and feel good for the time being.

So many aspiring entrepreneurs or new business owners are attracted to this form of porn.

Reading, listening, and watching other entrepreneurs and business leaders talk about what they are doing, how they are successful and what advice they would give. We eat it up like candy. OOOOO CANDY!

No, stupid it’s porn. It’s like candy, yes. But, this is more destructive than just having a sugar high or even being depressed.

Since 2008 I’ve always wanted to start a business or make money through a project of mine. Guess how much money I’ve made from this desire?

…

Zero!

I couldn’t fucking finish something. I would start, then give up. I truly sucked. Just add it on to all my other mistakes I’ve made. I’m not trying to make myself feel depressed (because I’m over it). I am, though, trying to make you understand how destructive porn is. I didn’t waste the past six years, but I surely failed to achieve what I wanted.

It’s not worth it. Porn isn’t worth feeling satisfied. I’d rather have a beer, play a card game, watch a movie, or binge watch Mad Men for the sixth time.

To my family: I’m sure you’ve known about this. If not, now you do.

To my friends: Yeah everyone has participated in porn. I’m stopping though.

To my ex-girlfriends: I’m not proud as I hope you can understand from reading what I just wrote. It was all to do with me that I now admit to.

To my to-be girlfriend: By the time we meet or maybe even reunite I will have already stopped porn. Happiness will come from being with you, caring for you, being there for you, and just having fun together.

Porn isn’t worth it. I want to actually do something with my life that will be probably faced with hardships or times where it feels like everything is going great. Either way it’s not satisfying to continue with the idea of porn.

It destroyed me to the point where I didn’t act myself or feel the same.

I really can’t explain why I changed me. Something maybe to do with my deep, inner feelings and thoughts. Maybe just maybe my body and mind was telling me how destructive it was through me not feeling right afterwords.

Whether porn is satisfying, it’s certainly not worth it. Right now, having a drink or two is way more satisfying. I’m not getting aroused, but I’m staying happy. And I’m staying true to myself. And heck I’m going to actually fucking do something with my life in the context of pursuing my desire and want to have my own business.

Please, please, please remember porn isn’t all about the ass and boobies or dicks (if you’re into that). It’s about that thing that feels good at the time but leaves you to the point of nowhere. It’s just there to satisfy the vulnerable or the people that fear messing up again.

It happened to me. I was a victim.