B.o.B. taught himself science, while he was high

B.o.B. got hold of some white people drugs and now he’s convinced the Earth is flat. He’s spent the past couple of days trying to convince people of this on Twitter, and now it’s all over the news.

It was one thing when he was just pretending to know how to play the guitar, but now I’m genuinely worried about the kid. Someone might need to check in on him, take a look inside his house and make sure everything’s not covered in foil paper.

In a series of tweets, the “Nothing on You” singer argues that the Earth couldn’t possibly be round, because when you look at the horizon you can see distant landmarks, when — if the Earth were round — they should be obscured by the planet’s curvature and instead you’d be staring off into space, like B.o.B. was when this occurred to him.

Many of the tweets are illustrated with pics of ostensibly inexplicable natural phenomena, like the skyline of a city as seen from the top of a mountain 16 miles away, or a set of train tracks that continue in a straight line seemingly forever, when they should somehow be bent by the roundness of the Earth’s surface. I’m not even sure how trains are able to travel over them.

A few things B.o.B. would like to know:

How come planes don’t sometimes fly off into space?

How come there isn’t anywhere on Earth where you can measure the planet’s curvature?

Why does the horizon always seem to be a straight line? Shouldn’t it be a curve?

How come all the pictures of the Earth from space were taken by NASA? And how come the Earth seems to be a different size in each picture?

Some kid wanted to know why no one has fallen off the Earth’s surface. B.o.B. would like to know if this kid has actually seen the edge of the Earth, or is he just assuming there is one.

It seems like the most obvious question would be how come you can take off in a boat from Europe sailing west and eventually arrive in India. I thought this shit was settled 500 some-odd years ago, and in fact that’s how black people got here in the first place.

There’s also some shit about Masons, including a collage of Illuminati types depicted holding compasses, protractors and what have you, the idea I guess being that these are the people who helped obscure the fact that the Earth is flat for so many years. Why, I’m not sure. Though I suspect that if you dig deep enough it somehow has to do with the Jews.

B.o.B. is not the first black celebrity to have lost his damn mind — far from it.

Just a few weeks ago Blu, who emerged around the same time as B.o.B., took to Twitter to accuse Evidence and the Alchemist of being Darren Wilson supporters, smoking crack and sucking people’s dicks. I’m not even sure which is worst! Nullus. I might have to consult Troy Ave. He’s always mulling over deep philosophical issues.

This tweet in particular sounds like something Kool Keith might have said back in the early to mid ’90s, when he was rumored to be in and out of the looney bin, New York’s equivalent of Malcolm Bliss.

The part about “big dick sux on the East” of course calls to mind the chorus of the song “Poppa Large.”

Apparently, Blu does this every now and again. In a post I saw on Vlad TV one day on my lunch break at the warehouse, I recall either Evidence or the Alchemist (I can’t tell which is which) saying we shouldn’t pay it any mind.

Last year, in the press run up to the second season of Empire (which no one seemed to give a shit about), there was an article about Terrence Howard in one of those white-interest magazines. It may have been GQ.

Anyway, it tells the story of how his old man stabbed a guy while waiting on line to see Santa Claus, which I’m sure you already heard about on Oprah, plus the stories of how he got fired from the Iron Man franchise, the many times he’s been arrested for putting a shoe on his wives and girlfriends, so on and so forth.

It says he dropped out of college after failing to convince a professor that 1x1=2. He explains that 1x1 has to equal two because the square-root of four is two, and therefore the square-root of two has to be one. Why, I’m not sure. But apparently he’s never given up on this, and he’s got all kinds of models, diagrams and what have you in his apartment.

People who have read Infinite Crab Meats will recall that back in like 1996 I watched a Russian kid take up a whole class period trying to draw a triangle with more than 180 degrees in it . . . and that’s why I wasn’t trying to hear Peter Rosenberg’s explanation for why his father wasn’t a member of the Israel Lobby.

I took a look at B.o.B.’s Twitter just now, for the sake of cataloging some of this BS, and what do you know, there’s a pinned tweet with a link to his most recent mixtape, released a week to the day before he started spouting off about how the Earth is flat.

Let me guess, no one was checking for his new mixtape, which I’m sure he feels is hot fire (he even named it Fire), so he thought to himself, What’s the most bugged out shit I can spout off about for some attention? The views expressed on the Alex Jones Show might not have cut it, because there’s an increasing realization that everything he ever said came true and everything he’s done has been right.

Just below the pinned tweet, as I’m writing this, is a tweet in which he says that no he’s not crazy, and no he’s not saying these things to try to promote his music. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool. For starters, why would he pin a tweet about his mixtape and then proceed to post hundreds of tweets about how the Earth is flat, all of which are at least somewhat obscured by the pinned tweet, as if they were the Manhattan skyline as viewed from New Jersey?

Furthermore, it’s just not in a black man’s nature to be presented with an opportunity to promote your mixtape and not take advantage of it. Many a racially insensitive Internets meme is based around this idea.

Originally published at www.byroncrawford.com on January 26, 2016.