I somehow managed to predict the future

Early on in my post about Martin Shkreli’s appearance on Power 105’s the Breakfast Club, his thoughts on Black Lives Matter and what have you, there’s a brief digression having to do with the fact that Shkreli probably could have banged the chick from Vice that came to his apartment to interview him, for one of their videos.

There’s no way this would have made it into the final version of a post on a legit site like Gawker, Mic, Vox, the Daily Beast, Salon or Vice itself. Well, really, there’s no way I would have been writing a post for one of those sites in the first place. No one actually goes over things before they’re published to those sites. They just take it for granted that they’ve hired people who would never write anything like that. Chomsky breaks down how this works in Manufacturing Consent. That book was published before there was such a thing as the Internets, but the same principle applies.

Today on lunch break, I took a look at Gawker (which sucks even worse now that it’s all politics — they’re gonna have to do something else with it after the election, if they’re not shot down by Ho Kogan), and I saw the following article.

Come to find out, Martin Shkreli really is banging a girl from Vice, albeit not the girl who interviewed him!

How did I know some shit like this could happen? Because I’m a guy, I’m more or less the same age as Martin Shkreli and I also love wine and the Wu-Tang Clan (before he did, in fact). In many ways, Martin Shkreli and I are the same guy. We differ in one very important way. Namely, the fact that he’s got $50 million, and all I’ve got is this busket. If I had that kind of money, I’d be typing this with a girl from Vice on my lap. But I’d only be using one finger (instead of my usual two), if you catch my drift.

Shkreli has granted interviews to several media outlets, but Vice was the first and seems to have been granted the most access. Let’s keep it real, if Vice had sent over one of their uber-punchable ex-heroin addict emo kid male reporters to interview Shkreli, do you think they would have been all up in his apartment, sharing a $15,000 bottle of wine, playing chess and then retiring to his sofa to listen to that Wu-Tang album (his idea of a dream date, I’m sure)? They knew good and well Shkreli would be all over that girl like white on rice in a paper cup during a snow storm, and they may have sent over the other girl to bang him after the girl who interviewed him balked at the idea.