Introverted Leadership
I’ve aspired to be a leader for as long as I can remember. When I was a child and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was “the first female President of the United States”. As I got older and started to seek out role models, I realized that I didn’t see myself in most of the people who are considered to be great examples of leadership. There are some obvious reasons for this (e.g. I’m not a white, straight, cis male), but one less obvious reason is that I’m an introvert.
When I first tell people that I’m an introvert, they’re often a bit surprised.
“But you’re social! And you like people!”
In fact, it took me a long time to realize that I’m an introvert, because I had similar misconceptions. I thought introverts loathed being around people (I don’t), and are universally quiet and soft spoken (I can be, but I’ve also been known to be the opposite), and dislike public speaking (I don’t, though of course I get insanely nervous because I’m human). Understanding the actual differences between introversion and extroversion, as well as understanding myself a bit better, lead me to the understanding that I am, in fact, an introvert. I like people, but I need time alone to recharge. I’m quiet in large groups, but have plenty to say in a smaller group when I’m comfortable. I think before I speak — which means I’m slower on my feet, but everything I say is considered.
So I’m an introverted aspiring leader. Is that an oxymoron?
When one goes looking for examples of leaders in the world, the easiest ones to find are often the most in-your-face. An in-your-face leadership style reflects a lot of the charateristics typically associated with extroversion: outgoing, loud, etc. Of course, just as introverts don’t avoid people at all costs, not all extroverts are outgoing and loud. The idea that all extroverts are leaders and introverts are incapable of leadership is, at best, reductive.
Additionally, the in-your-face leadership style is easy to spot because its, well, in-your-face. That, however, does not mean it’s the only leadership style (or even the most effective). Leadership takes a lot of forms and can look a lot of different ways.
There was a pivotal moment for me in changing my opinions on leadership styles and what it means to be a leader: meeting Tony Hsieh of Zappos. By the time I met him, he’d proven himself to be an incredibly effective leader. Knowing of his success, I was completely unprepared for what he is like in person. In my mind, leaders, especially good ones, had to be larger than life and command the attention of a room, no matter the room. Tony was none of these things, at least not in the moment that I met him. He was standing with a few people quietly listening intently to what they were saying. He was not trying to interject, or draw attention to himself. His success and who he is was didn’t factor into his interactions.
I had never seen a leader like that, and I was floored by this new possibility. It was the first time I saw a leader who I could relate to, and it was wonderful to have proof that it was still possible for someone like me to be a leader.
This experience has stayed with me, and that chance meeting gave me permission to be a leader on my own terms.
Up next:
Managing as an Introvert
