uncomfortable

To start, let me tell you a quick bit about me. I’m the type of person that says whatever crosses my mind. I wasn’t always like this, but that’s a story for a different day. Okay so now, back to business:

Today I was in the car with some friends and I’ve come to find out that I do some of my best thinking between the four doors of my little road partner. The windows were down, the air was warm, and life just seemed too good. That’s where my mind began to trail and a big scary concept fell into my jumbled brain: the future.

In the past 2 months, my life started lining up in perfect harmony and for the first time in a very long time, I felt as if everything was falling into its perfect place. Before, it seemed like the world was against me in every possible way. One situation in my life would finally resolve itself and with the conclusion of one problem, a new one introduced itself with a gust of triumph. Me and life were in this long boxing match that just wouldn’t end. Well, up until 2 months ago…

So this new type of happiness I’ve been feeling has brought about an entirely new idea to me. As I sat in the car today, I wondered if I was going to be this happy with my life in 5 years. At this point, you’re probably wondering why I opened up this post with a seemingly pointless fact about me that you probably didn’t care to know. Well it comes into play, I promise.

Today wasn’t anything spectacular. It wasn’t extravagant and some might even look at it and think that it was boring. That’s okay. Because to me, it was perfect. I’m adjusting to this new life of being simply content with the ‘boring’ days. I lived the past 17 and a half years of my life feeling like I was constantly on the edge. Relaxing was a foreign word to me and it just blew my mind when I saw that people could live a life where they didn’t feel anxious. Looking back, the answer to this new life of mine was so simple. It completely baffles me that I couldn’t grasp this beautifully easy concept sooner. It’s like that feeling when someone asks you a question that is so obvious, yet you can’t seem to find the right answer; then you feel a new level of foolish when they final reveal the answer. That “Ahhhh” feeling that overcomes you when you hear those words you were craving to get off the tip of your tongue. Well, for me, that “ahhhh” concept was ‘Giving it to God’. I had heard that saying my entire life and I knew that it was meaningful and held a certain depth of power, but for some reason, I could not, for the life of me, put that into practice.

I had the weapon to go into battle, but I didn’t have the will to fight.

That was until the last week of July. I went to Mexico on my first mission trip and on that trip, God brought me to my knees, wrecked my heart, and sewed it back together in the most pure and complete way. That was the week that I began to truly grasp the idea of what it truly meant to ‘Give it all to God’. Growing up, I always looked at places of poverty and admired the heck out of the people there who still had a faith. I thought that we were the lucky ones, but in reality.. they are. We’re told as children that we are unbelievably fortunate yet that statement is told on the basis of material objects. “You’re fortunate because you have a nice house, expensive clothes, and a good education.” Well, I just don’t buy into that anymore. We are the unfortunate ones because we seek distractions and look to our ‘things’ before we look to God. But, the people that I met in that little town in Mexico had a faith that could carry the world on its back because they only had God. They never even questioned the idea of ‘Giving it all to God’ because that was their way of life. We sit back in our comfortable, cushy lifestyles and fear the idea of giving up control because we built our foundations on something that is shaky and weak. When you build your life on anything but God, fear and anxiety and worry creep their way in to try and steady that weak ground. I struggled BIG time on this idea, but I can say, with the most obnoxious grin on my face, that once it sunk into my thick skull, it completely and utterly changed my world. It is the reason that life is just too good.

So back to the car ride. I told you in the beginning that I say everything that comes to my mind because I wanted to justify why I would randomly ask my friends such a weird question. “If you were to describe the life you want to live in 5 years in ONE word, what would it be?” The silence was cut with a knife by that one. It was talked about briefly and then the conversation faded and a new up emerged, yet my mind couldn’t seem to let that question go. After a long hard debate (with myself), I tossed around a couple of words and then finally, landed on one:

uncomfortable.

Let me explain. This appears weird, I know. You probably think i’m out of my mind because who wants to feel uncomfortable?? Well, what i’ve come to find out in this new, content season of my life is that I did all my growing during the times that I was uncomfortable. Those previous seasons were hard to navigate because I didn’t have God as my foundation. I was putting up a fight with life, yet I was still growing and flourishing through it because I was uncomfortable. The problem was, I wasn’t growing tall because I rooted myself in poor soil. But now that I’ve built my fort on solid ground, I pray for God to continue to make me uncomfortable. I don’t want to stay stagnant. I want to grow.. but this time, I can grow tall and strong because I’m planted in rich soil. I have a steady home.

-c

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