Just Be Happy

teo derek
teo derek
Nov 5 · 5 min read

I would like to share this personal story about Happiness, and my journey in finding out that it is not a dream to be chased and that it is simply a state of being that we can choose to be in.

Pain and Suffering

My grandmother passed away more than 20 years ago. She had cancer and suffered greatly before she passed on. Not only was she having tremendous physical pain from the illness, she was also plagued with depression, helplessness, anger, and frustration from her deteriorating health.

Back then when I was still a young kid, whenever I pass her room, I would sometimes hear her crying and complaining to the people around her. Every time I would get frightened by the depth of fear and resentment in her voice.

As she got sicker, it seemed that she was more consumed by her psychological pain of coming to terms with her condition than her illness itself.

A monk’s simple reply

My grandmother was a Buddhist and to help her find spiritual solace and strength during her illness, my grandfather then invited a renowned Buddhist monk to come visit her and give his blessings. When my grandmother had the chance to seek enlightenment from the monk, her question was,

“How can I recover from my illness and be free from this pain?”

The monk did not hesitate, his expression was serious and tranquil as he reply simply,

“Be happy.”

The look of confusion and desperation on my grandmother’s face when she heard the answer was deeply etched in my mind. I had initially felt that the monk was being unfair and deliberately cryptic in giving his answer, and I could not forget his reply. It would haunt me, together with my grandmother’s expression, whenever I contemplate the idea of Happiness.

Chasing after the illusion of Happiness

We seem to persistently cling to the concept of Happiness as a thing to be sought and chased after; that our happiness is conditional on external factors and achievements. This is expressed in our language and our everyday actions:

“I’ll be the happiest person if I can win the love of my life!”

“I can lead a happy and contented life if I am wealthy.”

“If I can have a fast car/big house/powerful career/six-pack abs, then I will be happy.”

We make our happiness conditional on our goals and achievements, then we fixated on chasing after them. This keeps our eyes on the future, or if not, we are usually recalling the glory of our accomplishments in the past (or trying to escape from the pain of our failures). Most of our everyday thoughts and actions are in anticipation for the future or in response to past events.

But what many people fail to realise is that all these are illusions; past events have long since gone and can no longer be relived, future plans have not been realised and are still changeable. In these perspectives, both are not real, and to base our happiness in our future or our past is simply to chase after illusions.

Happiness is a state of being, being in the present

Many people think that it is a state of mind, but I disagree. Happiness as a state of mind seems to imply that we can be happy just by focusing on our thoughts. But it is about our state of being, the complete experience of just existing.

If we look back and examine the times when we were happy, it is always a state of being in the present. It is an emotion that we can experience by only being in the Now. If we want to find Happiness, then it is necessary that we have to focus in the present moment, conscious of simply ‘being’, being aware of the Now.

This importance of being in the present moment, of being in the Now, has been expounded in great depth by renowned spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle in his work ‘The Power of Now’, as well as by neuroscientist Sam Harris in his lecture ‘Death and the Present Moment”. Many sources of our anxiety, pain, and suffering comes from our attachment to events in the past and our expectations for the future. These fixations, bordering on obsessions, necessarily distract us from the present moment and the realisation that we can choose to accept our current circumstances and be happy.

The power to choose

We would have seen before negative people who seem to be able to find fault with things constantly. No matter how wonderful the situation may be at the present, they somehow tend to find something negative and focus on it. Conversely, there are the eternal optimists who can always see the bright side of things and stay smiling and positive, regardless of how bad the problems they may be facing.

Both these groups of people choose to focus differently from their experience of their circumstances; they choose not to let their circumstances affect their state of being. Such polarity clearly indicate that we have the power to choose the state that we want to be in, that we can refuse to let our circumstances dictate how we want to be. This is possible only if we stay present and make a choice, responding rather than reacting.

Be Happy

After so many years, it was only after realising this fact that Happiness is a state of being, being in the present, that I finally understand the monk’s reply of “Be Happy”.

He was not being deliberately obscure or difficult, it was just that there was no other simpler way to put it. The difficulty is in our comprehending it, because it is a concept that had to be experienced . Our obsession with the future and the reluctance to let go of past attachments often makes it even more difficult for us to experience this fact. I wish my grandmother had been in better circumstances when she was receiving this information. Having this revelation would definitely have reduced her suffering but she had been so overwhelmed by her condition that it would have been like trying to persuade a drowning man to keep still.

Unlike those who are already overwhelmed and need more specialised help, we are still able to experience how we can choose to be happy.

Take a moment and focus on the Now.

Stay still enough to hear your own breathing and feel your own heartbeat.

Appreciate that you are alive and can enjoy this moment.

Then, Be Happy.

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