Hey, guys, Cadyn here, back after an eight-month hiatus. I actually forgot I created this blog, but here we are again so, whatever. Luke and I did not work out, in case any of you were wondering. We had sex a few more times. He started catching feelings (like, he would text me “goodnight” every day, even though we wouldn’t have been talking) and I decided that we weren’t compatible, other than sexually, of course. I’m such a fucking emotionally-stunted douchebag. Anyways, I hope life is good for all of you.

It’s my second semester of my senior year so I’m pretty much done with life in general right about now. Ha. Just kidding. Mostly. I know you’re just dying to know about the exciting sex life of the highly sexual Cadyn Carter, so I’ll throw you a quick update. It’s fucking nonexistent. I’ve decided that I’m going to stop slutting it up with boys that don’t appreciate me. Mostly. You see, there’s this guy (oh fuck me sideways, here come the clichés). His name is Wade, and he’s absolutely lovely. We made out once. Wanna hear about it? No? Story time!

I was at a party. I was at a very shitty party and I wasn’t even drinking heavily. You know why? Because my good-ish (she and I are frenemies, by all definitions of the word) friend Lynne decided that she would bring a guy to the party, a guy that: A) had a huge thing for yours truly and not Lynne; B) was the biggest lightweight I’d ever seen; and C) always drank way too much for being such a fucking lightweight.

So, instead of drinking heavily, I was fielding advances from Señor Drunk-Off-His-Ass (thanks, Lynne) and exasperatedly drinking beer, which wasn’t getting me as drunk as I’d hoped. As the night dragged on, people left the party and let me tell you, at parties in my town, as soon as the first person leaves, the rest clear out fast, leaving only a few stragglers. I was, for once, one of the few stragglers, along with Lynne, her creepy guy friend Tristan, my best friend in the whole world (Rachel), and Wade and Jackson, two boys that we’d gone to elementary school with. The only reason Wade and Jackson were still there was because Wade didn’t have his car and Jackson was far too drunk to drive, and Rachel and I were waiting for Lynne. Somewhere along the line (I’m a little fuzzy on the details), Lynne convinced us that she and Tristan were going to sleep at her house, and Rachel, Wade, Jackson, and I, decided that we were going to accompany them to Lynne’s and take shots until we couldn’t see remotely straight. This is what kids in small towns do, folks.

We ended up stealing a few beers and a few bottles from the party (the kid hosting had disappeared into his parents’ bedroom with a sophomore, so we didn’t think he was going to miss his alcohol right then) and all sat on Lynne’s trampoline, daring each other to take shots. Lynne’s dad was home, but he was too busy taking Ambien and trying to win back Lynne’s affection (he more or less fell of the earth for seven years and left her with her crazy mother) to care about anything that we were doing. Jackson was buzzed, Rachel was tipsy, Wade and I were fairly drunk. No one was trashed though, which was surprising. See, American kids can drink responsibly! Ha. But, our little game of truth-or-dare got slightly sexual (I mean, can you blame us?) and Wade and I made out. Which is hilariously innocent for a bunch of eighteen-year-old drunk kids, but what can I say, it was nice and Wade’s a good kisser. Wade ended up going home around 4 o’clock in the morning, and the rest of us crashed at Lynne’s. In the morning, we heard Lynne blowing Tristan in her bedroom, which was fucking disgusting and let me tell you it was not as hilariously innocent as our little game of truth or dare. I’m now realizing that no truth questions were asked during that game, so I don’t even know if it qualifies as truth or dare. Let’s call it dare or dare.

Anyways, Lynne blew Tristan, then Rachel begrudgingly drove Tristan home and Lynne’s boyfriend Simon came over, which, let me tell you, was the most uncomfortable thing in the world, so I warned Rachel to not come back and made Jackson give me a ride home. I like Simon, I really do, but I only know him through Lynne and am not about to face her wrath because I told him that she cheats on him all the time. The funny thing is, she always says she only cheats on him when she’s drunk and that she never means to, but whenever she cheats on him she isn’t that drunk. Sorry, Lynne, if this blog ever gets popular and everyone finds out how shady you are. In my defense, though, you aren’t very nice to me.

Wade started texting me that next week, and ever since then, we’ve been hanging out almost every weekend. We’re always drinking, though. I don’t know if that’s just what people our age are supposed to do, or if he only finds me interesting when I’m drunk, who knows, but I guess it works. The last time we hung out we just got “drunk” and walked around our stupid little town and talked. I put drunk in quotations because I took around five shots but I was not drunk, for some reason. I need to stop drinking for a while so that I can fuck up my tolerance and be a lightweight again. I envy the shit out of creepy ass Tristan, sometimes. Anyways, that night, Wade didn’t try anything. He didn’t try to kiss me, he barely even touched me, actually. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad sign. Whatever. I just hope that he’s not putting this much effort in just because he’s going through a dry spell and he thinks I’d be an easy fuck. I’ve been good at the whole celibacy thing lately and I’d hate to fuck it up for someone who didn’t even care. Whatever, I’m young and dumb, right?

I’ll shoot you lovely readers an update soon. Thanks for listening.



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