Definitive Choices — A Bipolar Slam Poem

“I don’t like not being able to use words”
Thats fine, I say
But when you choose words that cause hurts
Don’t expect me to cover the bruises with sweatshirts for your comfort
And you insist that the weather is bipolar
That’s fine and dandy but your excuse for limited vocabulary is scanty
I explain this is not the proper usage
You respond with webster dictionary
Unsure why you’re stuck on being my adversary
Your definition’s insisted
While my definition is the last one listed 
And I’m staring with teeth clenched and tight white knuckle fisted 
Wondering how it is that you’ve missed it
The lump in my throat that shows that I’m pissed and 
The faucets in my eyes ready to drip and
To me it’s not a word you can justappropriate 
And you’ve chosen convenience over my suffering
What is your “right” to label wishy washy weather behavior 
Brings foul connotation to my endless endeavor
Of navigating my neuro-a-typicies, walking tight and slacked ropes of loose diagnosis 
Misconceptions and missed connections exasperated by ignorant blisses
 and I’m trying to tell you that there is no bliss for me in the woefully unignorant 
Relationships I’ve missed 
or will never have because “bipolar” is only funny when it’s not your medical tag
And trying to pay your rent when you wake up after a manic phase groggy and your savings is spent
Its not funny when your spine is bent
From the depressed hours you laid in bed irreverent 
Its not funny when the only thing that you can’t lose is the adjective that you’d never choose 
But despite the downs and the ups I’ve got a really lovely middle and sometimes that piece of me feels, well, awfully little
And my little middle wants to be loud but abusing those words leaves me lost like the clouds everyone curses away because no one is happy when the weather has a bipolar day

You don’t like not being able to use words
That’s okay, I don’t need a dictionary to tell me what your words say”

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