Sex positivity, video games, animals, sunshine, and a whole lot of love.

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About Me

Hi friends! My name is Caitlin Jill Anders, and I’m a full-time writer living in Los Angeles. I’ve loved to write ever since I was a kid, and I’m very fortunate to be living out the dreams that little baby Caitlin had of being a professional writer and getting to connect with people from all around the world. I’m so thankful for everyone who has helped to make this happen and continues to go on this journey with me.

There are a lot of little things about me that people might find…

Every move counts.

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Photo by Chris Greene on Unsplash

We’ve been doing the pandemic thing for a year now, and it doesn’t seem like things are going back to “normal” just yet. A lot of things still aren’t safe, including traditional dating. It’s hard to meet someone out in the wild these days, and even if you use a dating app, sometimes it just feels so heavy. How do you make sure that you’re being safe and aren’t potentially putting yourself or anyone else at risk?

Dating looks different these days. It has to. It’s still possible to meet someone and start to date in the middle of the…

Hint: orgasms have nothing to do with it.

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Photo by Claudia van Zyl on Unsplash

When a friend is telling us about a new romantic situation or a casual hookup, a common question a lot of us like to ask is, “But how was the sex?”

Sometimes we’re looking for the juicy details, but we’re also looking for a sign that the sex was a positive experience. We want to hear that the sex was good, and if it was bad, we sigh and commiserate and help our friend vow to go out and find better.

No one wants to deal with bad sex — but then I’ve got to ask the question. …

Do something you never would have done at 25.

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Photo by Jac Alexandru on Unsplash

For a while, I was scared to turn 30, but I wasn't sure why. There wasn't anything specific about that birthday that scared me — it just felt like how I was supposed to feel. There seems to be a lot of societal pressure to feel shame about getting older. A lot of people like to view 30 as the beginning of the end.

For me though, I just see a beginning.

I’m actually excited to turn 30. My twenties were a learning experience, but I’m ready to move on. As I navigate my way through the last week of…

Now I say them all with ease.

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Photo by Mahrael Boutros on Unsplash

One of my favorite teachers at boarding school used to say, “If you can’t talk about sex, then you shouldn’t be having sex.” She was right, and yet in my first several years of having sex, I was really bad at following that advice.

Asking for what I need has always been a struggle of mine, and when I was younger, I was absolutely awful at it. Even though the people I was having sex with were generally kind and understanding, there were still some things I struggled to bring up with them, especially in the heat of the moment…

It might look a little different than you think.

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Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

When I was getting ready to go to my very first sex party in October 2018, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. A guy I’d just started seeing asked if I wanted to be his date since his primary partner couldn’t go. It was only our third date, and honestly, I couldn't think of a better activity. I was so excited, but also super nervous.

On the way there, I tried to ask him as many questions as I could think of, but I was also kind of hitting a wall because I realized I had no idea…

Sex with yourself can still be exciting.

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Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — I am a very sexual person. I love having sex, and I’m not ashamed of it. Throughout my life, I’ve had a lot of sex, and there aren’t many times in my life where I’ve been consistently not sexually active.

That being said, it has happened.

I have gone long stretches of time without having sex. It wasn’t something I planned; it was just where my life was at that point. In general, I’d always rather be having sex, but that being said, I’m not sorry that those sexless stretches…

You’ve stopped asking each other how you’re doing.

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Photo by Alysa Bajenaru on Unsplash

With every breakup I’ve ever had, when I look back now, I can see the signs. Towards the end, the problems were glaring, and that’s what ultimately led to the breakup. Before that, though, there were definitely little indicators that I missed that suggested that the relationship just wasn’t working anymore.

Those are the signs that are easy to ignore when you really want to.

Sometimes, a relationship runs past its course because we see those little signs and let them pass us by. Whether those little things are trying to tell us that the relationship needs some TLC, or…

Should you keep them or run?

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

We first learn how to make friends in preschool and kindergarten, but I don’t think the process ever really stops. We’re constantly learning and relearning how to make friends, how to be a friend, how to keep friends, and so on. Even if we think we’ve mastered the skill, I don’t think we’re ever really done.

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I’ve always been a little quirky, so making friends doesn’t always come naturally to me. I’m so proud of myself when I actually manage to meet and make friends in a new situation. …

“You just don’t know me well enough yet.”

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Photo by Wiktor Karkocha on Unsplash

Let’s face it, first dates are awkward. No matter how much of an extrovert you are, sitting across from someone you may want to be romantic with and trying to find things to talk about is going to be at least a little weird. At some point, we’re probably going to say the wrong thing. We’re nervous. We’re anxious. It happens.

A first date isn’t always the most accurate representation of a person. …

Caitlin Jill Anders

Full-time writer with anxiety figuring it out. I like talking about sex, mental health, relationships, and everything in between.

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