Three Months in Beijing: November
The other day Sam was reading to me over Skype and halfway down the first page I burst into tears and then I started laughing and I just oscillated between weeping and giggling and he said, ‘Just choose an emotion!’ — but I couldn’t choose an emotion cause there has just been so much and it all felt too much and finally, finally, I was crying. I felt better after the cry. I’d been trying to cry for three weeks and I found it really funny that it just took a paragraph of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to get me there.
Technically, that moment should form part of next Month’s post. However, I think the weeping/giggling incident accurately sums up my current emotional state, and I’m in this place because of the horror that was November.
I’m pretty fucking exhausted. I’m super fucking drained.
But I’m starting to feel more balanced again. I took the weekend off and watched series and had naps and drank wine at two in the afternoon. Sometimes that’s just what you’ve gotta do to get yourself out the funk and through the stress.
This month was exceptionally difficult for two reasons: my final Wits thesis/short story was due, and we had a week long field trip to Xi’an. Both of which put a lot of extra pressure on my regular schedule and meant I was juggling way more than usual. It’s been a very full month.
You’ll notice that the timelines doesn’t get very far into November. The last two weeks were assignments assignments assignments and it made it hard to breathe. I didn’t do much else.
I can’t really believe that it’s only a month until the end of the first semester; it’s gone so quickly. In about a month I’ll be on a plane to India to do a month long yoga teacher training course. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time and I’m quite excited. I think I’m going to buy a special ‘India Notebook’ and takes some novels and leave my laptop in Beijing.
It’s exciting. I’m excited.
There’s a lot of exciting stuff happening in the future and I’m trying really hard to remain mindful and remain present* so I can take advantage of what’s going on now and not get lost in my head navigating the eighteen different possible scenarios to things I’m only thinking about doing in the future (exhausting isn’t it?).
I’ve started low-key drinking wine every night and that was a very good life decision. Currently sitting below three glorious full bottles of red, shortly going to be two.
*Wrote this while in class, not being mindful or present.
Me after first three dinners in Xi’an, aka why my roommate started calling me ‘The Sloth’.