I Dunno

I’m dazed with life
I’m crazed with life
I’m always a maybe,
Always totally unsure,
Pushing myself into spaces
Falling into one set of ways
And then another

Nothing stays.

I’m stagnant and frozen
While my mind goes a million
Times forward and faster,
I can’t keep up and there’s nothing
Nothing faster than time.

My mind knows this and slicks its
Edges into corners I’ve sectioned off
No Mind, no. Not there, not now.
He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care.
He wants me bare and split in pieces…
Right now, that’s the way he is feeling,
So I’m feeling it too.

I can’t keep myself fresh and new like a child
Born just yesterday. I’m aging, I’m growing, my mind and my body and
My heart and my lungs and my soul — they know.
I’ve never felt time so clearly and profoundly.
You don’t understand when you are young. You think
You’ve got nothing and you feel everything.
You don’t see the wisdom yet.
You don’t realize you’ve got to switch it.
You’ve got everything and you feel nothing.

Well now I see myself in a pretty place with a pretty face and
A fading body, but it is still me. It is still worth trading for a good life.
It is still worth pumping a bit more confidence into the gaps in my mind.
Where evil wells and springs if left alone too long. Too long I’ve left the gaps.

I’m sick of the worry, the faint of heart, the maybes, the future maybe I’ll start…
I’m tired of pretending to try and being disappointed in the outcome of a non-started thing.

I’m frustrated with my lack of perspective and self-inflicted scars and priorities that should put me behind moral bars.
I’m not the best and I’m not the worst.
This life makes no sense, but it could be more pointless.
It could be more and more and more, though, too.

What’s wrong with me?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s wrong with the cat that likes to lick glue?
I hope he’s getting high, at least higher than me.
What’s wrong with staying put? Not moving? Just staying.
The dog down the way has three legs and you’ve got two.
That’s something to smile about, right? I’ve got two.

I’ve ignored her call. I’ve ignored his. 
I’ve cut them out and I’ve stopped taking the poison.

I think I’ll stay here a little longer before I care again.
Nothing. Something?
I dunno.

On dating. On dating. Onward to dating…
Don’t do it. Don’t do it with expectations.

Don’t do life with expectations.

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