New Year’s Resolutions
Be less patient with people who deliberately waste my time.
Try to keep up with the washing.
Find out what Chapo Trap House is.
Seize control of the narrative.
Be mean to jerks.
Forgive myself for not keeping up with the washing.
Be unsympathetic to people’s desires which harm other people.
Learn how to pronounce Mnuchin.
Drop all my weird body issues.
Make more time for sitting quietly and waiting for poems to bubble up.
Be nicer to the cat even though she’s a fucking asshole.
Get the husband to do the washing.
Destroy the deep state.
Go outside more.
Build a bunch of doll houses and pretend they’re for my eventual grandkids.
Preemptively sabotage Nikki Haley’s presidential run.
Drink less coffee.
Fuck that. Drink more coffee.
Take more baths.
Climb more trees.
Eat more fruit.
Paint my nails more.
Meet my children’s gaze more.
Ask my parents more about how things used to be.
Hold more grudges.
Get into more fights.
Take up more space.
Shine unapologetically bright.
Make more decisions which are preceded by the phrase “Fuck it.”
Choose life in each instant.
Walk with more swag.
Integrate more costume items into my everyday wardrobe.
Remember to brush my hair before it starts looking like Chewbacca’s shower drain.
Love more fiercely.
More car singing and supermarket dancing.
Enrage more misogynists.
Enjoy my body more.
Throw out the parasites and enforce my sovereign boundaries.
Don’t let anyone tell me about me.
Get quiet and tune in to my intuition more often.
Return the will of the planet to its people.
Make the bastards pay.