Why bother?

Exactly 3 weeks ago, I overdosed on 3 bottles of medications in an attempt to commit suicide. I ended up in the ER, having a seizure (which I don’t remember), I had to have my stomach pumped and was in the ICU for 3 days, followed by 6 days in the psychiatric ward. I still wish that the attempt had been successful.

My life is falling apart. I have no job. Absolutely no income or savings. I’m in a partial hospitalization program that I despise. I’ve gained weight.

I feel like I’m only getting worse. No one is helping me. I’m rapidly going downhill and I don’t know how to get better.

I’m so pissed about the weight gain…and am desperately trying to lose it all by the time I see my regular therapist in 13 days..and I don’t want her to see how fucking gross I’ve gotten.

I’ve been cutting again. And no one seems to care. I’m not telling my regular therapist or she won’t take me back…because I’m “not stable enough”.

I’m thinking I’m going to get denied for unemployment and I’m really worried.

The doctors are giving me a hard time about releasing MY medical information to ME. What a pain in the ass.

My life is an overwhelming, horrible annoyance.

Sometimes, I really wish those pills would have worked.

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