Walking down the path of chaos, that lead to heartbreak, unemployment, depression, dating, the suicide attempts, inner demons, the sex, the drugs and the booze. Becoming a jailbird and being forced to go to treatment. The debt pilling up.
Deep down to my darkest moments.
I was just discovering who I was.
Just on a much more rockier ‘scenic’ route.
The day was finally here…..
The day of my freedom…..
The day I successfully completed all phases to graduate from the court’s Drug and Alcohol program.
A program I can’t thank enough of for their existence!
Here I was, sitting there holding the papers to my freedom.
I can’t describe the feeling of ‘freedom’ I was feeling. It was more uplifting and more encouraging than I thought it would be. There was so much positive energy in the room that it was feeding me!
I sat there during the ceremony staring down at the piece of paper in my hands. Thinking,
“These are just words on paper!”
How was it that this single piece of paper, had so much power?
Michael leans over to me after the ceremonies finished up. He whispered in my ear,
“Let’s go home.”
“Home.” I repeated.
The song to my missing piece to my story that I needed.
You see, this song explains everything I’m trying to accomplish with my work that what I’m doing.
…..You’ll need to picture me, standing on an empty stage, singing ‘Home’ from The Wiz.
The Barbra Streisand version. (It just has the right balance I vision)
‘Home’ captures how I found myself. By STANDING UP to the issues I had to confront and breaking down the barriers that were holding me back.
So when I think of home, I think of a place….
Where there’s love overflowing
I wish I were home, I wish I was back there
With the things I’ve been knowin’
Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning
Sprinkling the scene
Makes it all clean
Standing on the stage it transforms into my own fantasy world that I have created right behind me. Filling the stage with every theatre magic possible that can fit on one stage. With all the fantasy characters I imagined personally to help me through tough times. Standing with me. Lifting me up to new heights. Being proud of their little broadway baby.
Maybe there’s a way for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to back home
Where there’s love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
Let me start again
Suddenly my world’s gone and changed it’s face
But I still know where I’m goin’
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I’ve watched it growin’
….I was able to survive….. ‘myself’….
Facing my inner demons.
And through all that, I learned a great deal about myself and the world.
….I lived Auntie Mame. I lived!……. And I will continue to do so!
If you’re listening God….. please don’t make it hard to know
If we should believe the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away, should we try and stay?
Or is better just to let things be?
Like the world I created to survive….
Am I suppose to ignore it?…..
If there is one thing I know, I know this,
The universe has a crazy way of taking us on these fascinating journey’s…..
But ONLY if we allow it. You have to be willing to listen and willing to open yourself up.
It can be quite powerful and life changing if you let it.
Living here in this brand new world might be a fantasy
But it’s taught me to love, so it’s real to me
And I’ve learned that we must look inside our hearts to find
A world full of love like yours and mine
What I consider my home is living my life as a musical.
It’s my fantasy……. And just like the song suggest, the world I live in taught me love, and so it’s real to me!
Not only did my wold teach me about love, but it also taught me many other life lessons.
Without my world of musicals, I would be lost!
Music is a powerful tool. It has been proven time and time again throughout our history.
….And as cheesy as it may sound, you must look inside yourself to discover that love.
A love for yourself….
Loving who you are….. and embracing your flaws….
Once you can do that, you start to see the world in a different light.
A light that you can be a part of too…..
By letting your inner self shine.