The sign

(Personal entry made to remember the events of this day)

October 30th, 2016-

As I was leaving Starbucks.

The place I like to take a moment to write on my weekends.

I left feeling unsure about my writing.

Which was strange, because the last 48 hours I have been excited about getting my first Literary Agent to express interest in my writing.
So why was I feeling so down? This should be an exciting time for me.

As I was heading back home, I decided to go for a short walk instead. Turning my direction to the water front.

I had enough of this feeling of being unsure and doubting myself.

I gave up and started asking for a sign.

ANY sign!
Could my writing REALLY take off and become everything that I wanted it to be.

Even though I had someone already interested in my material, I started to question everything, including myself.

Angela Lansbury would have put it as I was heading down the road to ‘the age of not believing’…… Again!

But, could I get my message across right? Could I even REACH an audience? Could this REALLY impact someones life for the better? Could I ACTUALLY save someones life?

Even worse, would the theatre industry understand what I was trying to say?
Would they appreciate or approve my work?

After I got done contemplating and asking for all the signs that I thought I needed to reassure myself that this was something that I TRULY believed in and could make happen. I headed back home to further my research for my writing.

Research that included watching ALL the musicals and songs that played a huge role in my life.
I wanted to remember the feeling I first had when watching them.

Next on my list was,“Broadway here I come” from NBC’s TV show SMASH.

I originally wanted to watch the scene where Karen walks into the bar and hear’s Jimmy singing and playing, “Broadway here I come”.
I was too lazy and didn’t want to Google what episode it was on, but I did remember that they sung that song on the series finale of SMASH when they went to the Tony’s.
So I downloaded that episode.
While the opening scene played, I completely forgot how much I loved this show.
It’s been forever since I seen it…..Anyways…..
It was Tony night, and the scene when Jimmy goes up on stage to accept the award for Kyle was when the first sign hit me like a ton of bricks!…..(The sign I was asking for earlier.)
….Jimmy goes on to talk about his friend Kyle who helped write the show ‘Hit List’ with him.
Unfortunately, Kyle passed away right before their show got to be a huge success.
He loved broadway!
Jimmy goes on talking talking about a show that Kyle had seen called, ‘Bombshell’.
It was MAGICAL!……. And there was this girl in it that could make you smile and break your heart in the same second!
In tears, Jimmy adds.
Thank you!…..
Thank you ALL! For giving Kyle something to love! His whole life!
I lost it!
Tears filled my eyes.
At this very moment, I knew how I wanted to move forward from the past. A past that was holding me down.
I finally understood the platform that I was seeking. All from watching this one episode of SMASH!
If Jimmy didn’t get through to me, Ivy Lynn’s acceptance speech for her award was going to…..

Ivy accepted her award by thanking her mother for giving her the greatest gift.

……..and that is a life in the theatre!
I can honly hope that one day… I can give that gift to my children……
She added,
For me, there is nothing more magical than that moment right as the lights go down………and the crowd is waiting in silence with anticpation for the show to begin………It is a moment full of hope and full of possibilities.
Then the PUNCH!
Thank you for believing, as I do, that there is nothing more important…… or special……. than live theatre!
…..She was absolutely right!
I must pay tribute to musical theatre for their existence!
Thanking theatre for saving not only my life, but for all the other lives the theatre may have saved.
Think about this……

With everything I have gone through….. With everything I personally have learned to overcome. Was with the help of musicals…… it was the existence of musical theatre that saved me.

Who knows what kind of person I would be TODAY!

Would I still be alive?

The fact is……it doesn’t matter! Because the theatre DOES exist and it must continue to exist for this VERY purpose!
The theatre has the power to move us through song and dance! Taking us to another world, giving us hope…...courage……….laughter………sadness…………and even has the power to educate us!
Theatre has impacted the lives of many throughout the years since Shakespeare!
EVEN before that! And WE must honor that.
Honoring ALL forms of art.…..For being the outlet that allows artist to express themselves.
In my opinion, I believe that we must support all forms of education. Giving the students the tools they need to strive and succeed. Especially, by supporting and funding all art programs.
With that I say,

Thank you to the Arts for allowing miracles to happen everyday! Whether, you’re a writer, singer, dancer, painter, photographer.

However you identify yourself as an artist.

Thank you for sharing your talents with the world. Showing the world a colorful way of living through the mind and eyes of an artist.

So there you have it! I have found my purpose and voice again.
Ready to greet my calling. To share my experiance with the world! Paying it forward.
Reaching out to people that can relate to my experience, or even WORSE!
Wishing and hoping that I can bring light into someones life who has found themseleves lost in that storm we call life.
Someone I can help encourage….. or EVEN help them look at life in a different way. A more musical way.
-After all, Life is a Cabaret!
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