source: pinterest

he shines so bright until it burns me and he dims so dark until it scares me

by the end of the month, everything will stop.

that’s what i said a few months ago, but i don’t know which end of the month i ever meant because up to this day, i’m still shrinking to say that everything was neatly packed in the palm of my hand. the truth is, it will never stop.

i feel like i’m seeing you everywhere: in the street, in the train station, or in the places you might be. i hate the way i want to see you in every place i stepped onto. i crave your presence, but also couldn’t bear the lingered yearning of it.

could you please leave me? at least for a goddamn second in my mind? what if i never find the end of the month i ever meant?

i’m wanting you like a saint wants God’s love for them, but loving you is like running in the long and dark tunnel when i myself, didn’t even have a flashlight to hold. that’s why, that’s why i never pursue my feet to start stepping into it.

then if you get bright, do you think i will be the sky who embraces your rays very tight? or perhaps, will i be the one who surely burns and becomes perishable ashes?

my love, to think of it, loving you is ruining the peace of mind that i had. a mediocre like me, always wanting everything to stop to keep my peace because it burns, because it’s scary, and because it makes me wonder about so many things.

i do want you to come, but somehow, i hope the end of the month will come too.