Are we making a royal fuss over nothing?

The British media’s monarchy-centric headlines are completely ubiquitous

by Max Meres

There’s something markedly British about the media’s — and in turn wider society’s — obsession with the royal family’s private lives.

Upon hearing the name Henry VIII, the first thing that springs to mind is not his best-selling book, Defense of the Seven Sacraments (Assertio septem sacramentorum). You’re more likely to think of his six wives and the unfortunate ends many of them met.

Brits apparently love nothing more than things royal, be they scandals, weddings, babies or — as has been illustrated this week by the vast coverage Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have received — engagements. To celebrate the occasion, we thought we’d compile a list of some of our favourite royal headlines with a sub-header of the actual story behind them. Without further ado, let’s start with the most recent.

Disclaimer — Caliber is not anti-royalist in any way and wishes the Prince and his fiancée all the best in their marriage.

The West Australia: ”HARRY TO MARRY — Queen delighted as Prince Harry, American actress Meghan Markle to wed in 2018"

The actual story: “English man announces engagement to American fiancée, Grandmother reacts with pride”

Aside from the shoddily written sub header (would it have been too much to ask for a simple “and” between the two newlyweds?), there’s nothing that remarkable about two 30-somethings wanting to live in holy matrimony.

The Sun: “THAT’S MY BOY! Duke of Cambridge says Prince George’s first day at school went ‘well’ and jokes he was lucky to avoid school gate tantrum — as schoolbag reveals little royal’s surname”

The actual story: “Proud father reflects on child’s successful first day at school (no tears!) and reveals bespoke schoolbag (complete with name label)”

The article goes on to list George’s school syllabus and breaks down the costs of his uniform, alluding to the real question on everyone’s minds — will he join the debating club?

Mail Online: “First the Great Unveiling… and then a collective gasp: With a plunging neckline and lots of lace, the gown was a timeless triumph”

The actual story: “Wedding guests impressed by bride’s ability to pull off slightly unorthodox wedding dress”

Perhaps the tabloid approach to William and Kate’s wedding can be summed up by the first sentence of the article — “For five months, the world had waited for this moment.”

Mail Online : “Ruling the Waves: Three generations of Royals join the Queen as she sets sail down the Thames on glorious river pageant”

The actual story: “Woman celebrates career milestone with a family boat trip”

Throwback to 2012, when Her Majesty marked 60 years on the job with a river-based jolly.

By writing this article, perhaps we’re just as obsessed with the royal family as everyone else. Regardless, we’ll be raising a few glasses at Caliber to the Prince and the future Mrs Henry Charles Albert David of Windsor, come the big day in spring 2018!