A Super Tuesday Dream

Halftime show at a Dallas Cowboys game. A bunch of open carry guys on a lake are firing their handguns in unison. Doughy dudes in camo with beady eyes and little beards, like a Busch Beer ad. They keep burning themselves on the smoking hot barrels. On inspection, it turns out to be an elaborate Hollywood aquatic number, but the guys are painted white head to toe and moving with exaggerated stiffness, like the boring part of an art movie. They look kind of like Will Ferrell in Zoolander.

Then they are dressed in historical Texas Ranger outfits, each with a dead white horse. They are hunting fugitive slaves. In the center is a brown girl, either african-american or latina — except it is really a “white” girl in blackface. Maybe it’s Taylor Swift. She is sad because of the dead horses. Kneeling next to her and earnestly explaining the scene is Austin Police Chief Art Acevedo.*

America, love it or leave it.

*I have no idea what Art Acevedo looks like.