9 Tips for Better #SelfCare

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been STRESSED out recently. Here are some of the tactic I’ve found help me recharge and avoid “outrage fatigue.”

  1. Take Care of Your Body — Eat a piece of fruit. Drink a glass of water. Get your normal 12 to 15 hours of sleep every night.
  2. Avoid Alcohol — It’s not strong enough to dull your pain, so why bother.
  3. Screaming — Screaming is a great way of releasing tension in your body, and transferring it to your vocal chords. Screaming works best when it’s incoherent, unexpected, and directed at a total stranger. Try it next time you’re in the Starbucks line.
  4. Give Back to Your Community — Leave food out for the neighborhood rodents. They’ll thank you later.
  5. Write in a Private Journal — The best way to ensure that your journal is truly private is to make a blood oath with the ancient demon of privacy, Zu’Kher Bluurg. You’ll have to let him walk the earth in your body for a day*, but it’s so worth it.
  6. Make Your Own Face Mask — Use sriracha, lemon juice, and mud from a National Park to give your skin a glow equal to the fiery rage you are barely keeping in check.
  7. Develop a Quirky New Hobby — A new hobby can help occupy your mind. I’ve been saving my urine in jars around my house.
  8. Go on a Digital Vacation — Jetset on the cheap by simply looking at websites for luxury hotel rooms in exotic locations. Make the experience more authentic by playing a screaming baby soundtrack and trying to sleep in an uncomfortable chair for 4 to 6 hours first.
  9. Reconnect With an Old Friend — Nothing feels better than talking to someone from high school and learning you’re the more successful adult. For best results, stalk any potential old friend on social media before contacting them. You want to make sure you actually are doing better than they are first.

*For demon oaths a day is just sunup to sundown. So it’s not even a full 24 hours.