Slurs: What they are and why you should avoid them

Slurs, for those who don’t know the definition, are essentially swears that have a history of oppression. A few notable examples of these are the words “retard,” “faggot,” and the n-word. The r-word is one that once referred simply to someone with a physical or mental disability, but gained a negative connotation due to excessive use in an offensive manner, to the point that it could no longer be used in the intended context. The f-word is used as an offensive term for anyone who is not heterosexual. The word itself originated as a word for a bundle of sticks, and the connection to being gay comes from the times when these bundles of sticks were used to burn people at the stake — such as witches, heretics, and those who were gay. The n-word was used as a degrading term by white men to refer to their black slaves. Each of these words was used as a way to demean a minority group, and they still carry the same meanings. This is why many people will ask you not to use them, as the words still represent that oppression and that power.

Those who are disabled, LGBT+, black, or another minority group have most likely had slurs said or even shouted at them by those who still wish to invoke the oppression in the word — by those looking to demean them and strip them of their dignity. Even when one of these words is not directed at someone of the minority harmed by it, it still has a negative impact. For example, if you were to use the f-word to refer to a friend of yours in a joking way because they exhibited a particular trait, to a gay person who overhears, you are essentially saying “I degraded my friend by saying they are like you, because I think that being like you is an insult.” That is why there is such a push to condemn these words — they have no use besides blatant hatred.

For similar reasons, this is why it is unacceptable to use the term “gay” (or, a word I noticed made a brief surge while I was in high school, “autistic”) as a negative descriptor — you are turning these words into slurs, stripping them of their proper meanings and, instead, reducing them to shorthand for “I think it is offensive to be like X.” Being gay or autistic should not be a negative thing, and those that use these terms as slurs have no right to make entire groups of people into an insult.

While slurs can be created by many people attributing a negative meaning to them, slurs can also be reclaimed when those oppressed by them do the opposite, and use them amongst themselves with a positive meaning. This is why it is acceptable for black people to use the n-word, but not white people. Among black people, the n-word has gained a new meaning, one of friendship and community. After years of use under the new meaning, they have removed the hatred from it, making it a reclaimed slur. White people, however, cannot use the word in its new meaning. For a white person to use the n-word, it still represents the oppression and authority that it did when white slave-owners used it to refer to their slaves, because that is the context in which it was used. This is typically the case with reclaimed slurs — those who were the victims of the slur’s use can employ it, but those who did the oppressing cannot. You might have noticed that, when I listed slurs, I censored out the n-word from even the first usage. This is because, while it is a reclaimed slur, white people are asked not to use it. I am white, so I did not use it because I respect those who have suffered from the slur and want to do my part to stop that.

Another reclaimed slur, one for the LGBT+ community, is the word “queer.” This word was used alongside the f-word in the past, but has become widely reclaimed in recent years. There are still some in the community who prefer not to use it, and it is important to know others’ opinions on reclaimed slurs when dealing with them, though most will agree that it is a useful word to use as an umbrella term to refer to anyone who is not cisgender and heterosexual. Like the n-word, some people prefer that those who are not LGBT+ do not use the word. Others are more relaxed. Again, it is important to know the opinions of those around you when using reclaimed slurs.

There is a lot of pushback against those who want others to stop using slurs. People will argue that they want to say whatever they want, and others just need to be less sensitive. The issue with this declaration is that those who oppose cutting slurs from their vocabulary are complaining about “not being allowed” to say certain things anymore. My question for those arguing this is: why do you want to say these words after so many people have told you they find them offensive and want you to stop?

It’s like complaining that laws against theft are limiting your freedom, and saying that theft should be allowed and those who were stolen from should be less sensitive. Even without laws in place, stealing is widely considered morally wrong, and looked down upon. The opposite — giving or donating — is praised. Do that instead, not because stealing is against the law and donating is praised, but because stealing harms the one being stolen from just as using slurs harms the subject of the slur. Just because words aren’t outlawed doesn’t make it morally right to say them.

Everyone can make their own decision on what they want to say, but they cannot expect that decision to come without judgement from others; if theft were legal, others would still look down on you and label you a bad person if you decided to steal. Likewise, if you choose to harass others even after being informed of the harm you can inflict, feedback from those around you is to be expected.