My new job title

Or lack of job title.

As I near my end date, I’ve been trying to figure out what to put on my LinkedIn. Yup, I know. First world problems and all that. But this is me conceding to my ‘professional network’ that I am back in the game, available, open for business. Without a job.

Except, I do (yessssss!). A few actually. Thought I’d post them and crowd source some snazzy suggestions on what my new non-corporate-bitch status can be. So (not in order of preference) here are my roles:

1. Mum/mummy/mother/muuuuuuuuuuuuummeeeeeee(in a really whiny voice) — this is my biggest, most important and undoubtedly hardest role. Comes with the best rewards but also high-risk, could-seriously-f*ck-them-up scariness. Note: I am not, I repeat NOT a SAHM (which is a bloody stupid acronym. How many mums just stay at home all day?).
2. Everything except parties for The Adventure Team — I’m pretty excited about this. Didn’t even have to interview; friends in high places and all that! I’ll be shaping their brand, helping them hire more awesome people and generally spear-heading world domination. But…what the Jeff do I call myself? COO has a certain ring to it…ha!
3. Communication Consultant — even writing it makes me cringe (I am so sorry to people that I am now going to offend). I hate consultants. They work at wanky places like McKinsey, places that I was never (book) smart enough to even apply to, let alone work at. They are all a bit smug, usually without good reason. And whenever I hear someone say they’re a consultant, I judge them. Now, I have two options here: get over myself. Or find a MUCH cooler way to say that I am willing to work without a permanent contract.

I do realise the slight irony in me, someone that’s meant to be good at wordsmithing, asking for advice on what to call myself. Bear with me though.