I have an motherfucking MBA from fucking Harvard and I’m a motherfucking growth hacker with fucking equity — not just fucking bullshit underwater options — and now I’ve found out that none of my user acquisition and retention skills or ability to focus on OKRs mean shit when it comes to figuring out whether I should choose the Wild Sapling Fucking Waldorf Preschool over the Global Fucking Community Ni Hao Friends Preschool.