“someday you will”

i sat on the floor of the camp cabin with tears in my eyes. i looked at jillian, who was also crying. we had just poured our hearts out to one another, talking about life and our brokenness and fears. we had no idea why life was so hard at times, and we had no idea where we were headed. this was one of the most real moments in my entire life, and i’ll never forget it. because after we finished crying, we both knew that we had made a new best friend. 2014 was a sucky year for a lot of people, let me tell you…but i knew it wasn’t the end. later that week, we won honor cabin with our jr high girls as counselors at a bible camp. two blessings in one week.

my best friend was in the car with me today, and she said something to me that really shook me to the core. she looked at me and said, “do you ever feel like you’re hanging on a string? like some days you’re extremely happy and then others life just hits you and you don’t know what to do?”

yeah i do. all the time.

being an young adult (i’m an adult now, whoa) isn’t easy. college is where everything seems like a much bigger deal than it is. you see, when i was little, i thought i had everything planned out: when i would get married, how many kids i would have, where i would live, etc. of course, i would live right next to my best friend (i made a pact with her when i was 5). i literally thought i had everything planned out. but the older i get, the more i realize i had no idea what i was thinking and i have nothing planned out. in fact, my plans have been ruined on many occasions.

so why hurt, God? why do you give us pain? amidst a hard day, or a hard year, (2016, major s/o to you), sometimes all i can seem to do is cry out to god and say “why?” why do i feel as if i’m hanging onto a thread? what’s the point?

but then i realize that God isn’t some gypsy, and that if He created the entire universe, i probably should trust that He knows what He’s doing. even when nothing makes sense, and when things seem to be crashing down, He’s holding my hand and guiding me the entire way. while i may not understand the destination, He’s much more concerned about the journey. He wants to see me changed, thriving, and growing. and while God may look like some angry creature in the sky who wishes havoc onto all of humanity, i can promise you He’s quite the contrary.

the God i know has taken away what i thought I wanted, and has always given me what i ultimately needed. He’s my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer (psalms 18:2). let me just remind you that the God who split the sea in two has a plan for you. you may not understand it now. it may cause you anger, confusion, bitterness, or sorrow. but God’s plan is greater than anything you could possibly think of or imagine. i wish i could explain to you in words why bad things happen, or why good people die. sometimes, i’m not sure what God’s plan is. all i know is that my heart keeps on telling me to trust Him.

you may not understand now, but someday you will.

my favorite city in the entire world (hence how happy I am here) est. 2016