“It’s the most important meal of the day.”

“That has been debunked.”

“Who debunked it?”

“Talking heads. Pundits. Ina Garten. Just give me some coffee.”

“Don’t blame me when your energy flags midmorning and you never get promoted. You hate your cubicle. If you got promoted, you would get an actual office with an actual view.”

“I don’t want a promotion. I despise this job. I want to chuck it all and go hiking in the Outback.”

“Well you certainly need breakfast before hiking in the Outback. And probably mosquito repellent. And new boots. Maybe a leather hat like Crocodile Dundee wore. All that costs money. How will you save money without a promotion? Right now, I think we have $27.42 in the savings account.”

“Okay. The Appalachian Trail, then.”

“Good. So you only need mosquito repellant. Your old boots might work. But what will happen when you get back? Will you go on Monster.com? Or just register with a temp agency? How will you pay the rent? Oh, right…we will have lost the apartment, and I will be hostessing at Bob Evans just to put food on the table at the temporary housing place where we will be living. Oh, and I will miss the dog-but thank goodness the Humane Society is now no-kill. Oh, and thank God you hate to do laundry, because we won’t have much spare change for the laundromat.”

“I’ll have two eggs, over easy, with bacon and some rye toast.”