Making it all work.
The path of a person’s life can be altered by many things but only a few as impressive as becoming a parent. All decisions and actions immediately become about this new life. Most human beings, up until the point of becoming a parent, really lived very selfishly. I don’t mean in the negative sense. I mean that for the most part, everything revolved around our own needs and desires. If you would have asked me pre-motherhood, I would never have thought of myself as a selfish person. I did, though, live really for myself. If I wanted something, I got it, either immediately or eventually, unless I changed my mind, of course. If I wanted to go, I got up and I went. Alone time and quiet were a daily occurrence and I really honestly never thought a second of it. Two sweet toddlers later and I can undoubtedly say that things have really changed. I am a mom now. I wake when I am woken. I eat when I can, not when I am actually hungry. I am very limited to the places I can go and certainly limited to the amount of time I can stay even when I do go to those places. As a mom, I am responsible for pretty much every need my children have with usually very little space left for my own.
I adore my children.
However living the life of a mother has undeniably been a difficult transition for me. I am obviously still an individual, my own human being apart from anyone else but I can feel on many days that I do not have the ability to live that. It is for me a constant mental battle. How do we as parents find the balance that allows us to still be who we are innately and who we are required to be and desperately desire to be for our children and families? To be quite frank, I am not entirely sure yet but I am learning everyday and more importantly pursuing that balance everyday. My aspiration is the incessant quest for the that harmony between motherhood and self. A few things that I have found to give some relief:
Humor : Laugh. Just laugh at it all. In the moments when you feel like you can’t anymore. Laugh.
Forgiveness: It’s okay. We are all human, trying our fucking best. Let yourself off the hook. Its okay. Its all okay.
Permission: Take the chains off. Let yourself be and stop with the pressure about every detail. Rest.
Gratitude: Breathe it all in. You’re loved unconditionally by these beings you’ve created. Feel it.
and lastly, a little time management where you can fit it in .
In closing, motherhood has been transformative for me. Has given me purpose and a drive fueled by the deepest love I’ve ever felt, the love for my kids.
Is it easy? Hell no.
Is it worth it? I would say yes.
We have the greatest job on the planet. We hold in our hands fresh minds and growing bodies that will someday be the "rulers" of this world. Feeding ourselves so that we can wholeheartedly feed them, I am starting to believe is the key to making it all work.