I don’t have friends. This pattern of aloneness doesn’t bother me as much although it does get quite frustrating when you want to be around fun people.
Everyone says hey if you want to know yourself be by yourself. That did not work for me. Yes i am alone but i believe no one actually fully knows themselves because we change our minds various times. People should stop trying to identify the self. That will complicate your life and make you live inside your own mind thinking about it. I suggest just living. Do not think about wether it’s “you” if you act and feel comfortable then it is the way you are. The times where you’re not thinking about how you look to others is the time when you are fully expressing your self.
I know i’m not being myself when I am around people and i have to think twice about what I say. This causes me to be nervous all the time. But when i’m around my sister I literally do not think about how I look to her.
So if you’re trying to “categorize” or give yourself a label to try and understand your own self then stop. You will feel much better having the mindset that says “this is just me you can intrepid it however you want.” Because truly you might be something else to another person who is not you. We all have different perspectives. Life is too short just fucking go and live your own way.