How can you comfort someone

that is having a hard time when you feel exactly the same?

It’s been 3 months, 10 days since my dad unexpectedly passed away from a massive stroke. I called my mom on Sunday to catch up, see how she was doing, what she was up to. She had come home from a long day at work and explained to me she would be returning to the Philippines with my aunt and uncle and would plan on staying there for a month. She began to explain to me how she was packing some of my dad’s things when she burst into tears. I asked her what was going on (although I already knew) and in the most transparent manner she has ever communicated in the past 3 months she simply said “I’m having a hard time”.

If anyone knows me, they know that I have a different relationship with my mother than most daughters do. I’m discovering in my late-20s that we do not communicate as well as I would hope, especially now since my father has died. No, I don’t believe it to be a cultural barrier. I can understand her when she speaks English (although it is broken at times) or when she speaks Tagalog. Is it cultural? Perhaps. Maybe it’s even just a personal barrier we individually have put up.

I began reciting things to her that I suppose I needed to hear for myself:

You’re going to be fine. We all are having a hard time… We just need to live differently.. I’m concerned about you… It’s important to have structure.

I got off the phone with her that evening and spent the next 5 minutes crying in the kitchen. My boyfriend had walked upstairs from the basement,carrying a basket of laundry. He put his hand on my shoulder and asked me what happened. All I simply said was

I just miss him.

I suppose I’m searching for a logical explanation for my feelings aside from grief. I’ve been told that now life has slowed down, I survived the holidays, it’s all settling in.

That this is my life now, and I need to learn how to live it.

Quite the depressing first-post. I will commit to writing a happier one some time.

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