Looking For Connection

Cap Kotz
Cap Kotz
Aug 26, 2017 · 3 min read

When you enter a feeling insecure zone, it’s like taking a trek into a complex and weaponized video game. Everything is designed to trigger off feelings that you are ill equipped to take care of yourself in a hostile environment.

When insecure, others often appear to you as having everything going on for them. Your own inadequacy intensifies. You do what you can to cover up your insecurity. You put on a clown act, become the life of the party, or you sink into depression and look for someone to take care of you.

The first step in connecting with the truth underneath the insecurity, that you can learn how to take care of yourself in any situation, is connecting with insecurity instead of covering it up. It helps to see it as a video game. When you step into the zone, everything is a sign meant to trigger off insecurity.

If you envy others, press the button that blows envy up. Each time you blow up envy it becomes a bright burst of color that fills your reflection tanks — what you see in others is what you see in yourself.

When you get down on yourself, press the eject button. This opens up the space around you for a few seconds. Fill up these momentary opportunities with as many solid foundation bricks as you can. Look around, they are disguised as little trophies. The more trophies you put around you, the less likely the down-on-self thoughts can come in.

As the game levels up, incoming triggers challenge you to cover up signs of insecurity as fast as you can, like whacking garbage can lids down on them whack-a-mole style, then to uncover them, plucking lids off again before they can glue into position. This video game uses foot and hand controls, so you can use the feet to get all the lids down and the hands to take them off.

Every time a dictionary opens up before you with the definition of insecurity blazing red hot, you have to write in a new definition. For example, “To be insecure means you are in a position to learn more about how to feel more connected to self.”

When you are connected to feeling insecure, you will feel disconnected from a sense of safety and support. You will get lost in the insecure triggers, forget you are playing a video game and fall into a pit of belief that you are incapable of taking care of, handling even the smallest of tasks.

First step in mastering the video game is connecting with feeling insecure. Then feel your feet, tap them to activate the controls, wake up the body — take on the flying, darting, exploding insecure triggers as fast as they come in.

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