Self Pity Is A Lush Meadow Or A Shameful Exile

Any relationship with a drug starts out pleasurable. At first self pity can easily feel like a lush meadow to lie down in. Your troubles blossom all around you, special flowers that bob in the gentle wind of being heard. The grasses tickle and stroke your skin with reassurance that you have been dealt a bum hand. The world doesn’t appreciate you. You sip from the delicious brook cold, refreshing truth that you are special, and it’s not your fault that no one understands you.
It’s relatively easy to build a life, here. You find an abandoned house, a small one, perfect for your needs. Whoever moved on left a garden, cooking utensils, bedding, even. The joy of living in a world of truth, the knowledge you are special and you don’t deserve to have bad things happen to you, fills your chest with triumph. You raise your arms to the sky and do a victory dance.

At night you build a fire and sit beside it, reflecting on how hard it is, getting people to listen to you. The relief that you don’t have to struggle, anymore, is enough to make your head swim.
The next day, a drizzle sets in. It is pleasant at first, soft and reassuring. Not before long the drip drip drip from the eaves of the tiny house stirs faint dread. The rain comes harder, bringing with it a drop in temperature. You start to shiver.
At this point the lush meadow changes to a bleaker world. You can’t get warm. You curl up around yourself, but it doesn’t feel good. Night comes on and shame covers you like a blanket. You use harsh tones, call yourself weak, stupid. You kick at yourself, tell yourself to stop wallowing, get up and move on. Sadly, you stand up, longing for that lush meadow. Will you ever know it again? As you reach the border of self pity, yanked along by the guy in the driver seat, you instinctively assume a certain face that covers up the shame and sadness. Entering the everyday life, again, you quickly assess what you need to do to get on top of it.
Excited, you eagerly go about getting others to understand your viewpoint. You extensively point out all the valuable moments in your vision, and how it can be integrated into the bigger picture. Secretly, you long for the lush meadow. Your thoughts drift to the soft turf. You recall the air, sweet and warm. Without meaning to, you fall in love all over again.
