Double Standards and Hypocrisy
As I have gone through life, I have seen countless instances of double standards and hypocricy in the way we live our lives. It truly bothers me when I see these things happen in everyday life.
A double standard is defined as:
A rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.
Hypocricy is defined as:
The practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.
I am someone who does my best to set an honest, straightforward, and consistent tone with my life. I realize that I also partake in double standards and hypocrisy, but I like to aim to be open-minded and accepting of words or actions from all groups or people.
Below are some instances of double standards that I have seen lately that bother me. I can see both sides of one’s perspective for why it is OK to have the double standard, and why it is not fair to have it.
I was out at a bar with a friend of mine, and a gay guy started chatting with us. He was very nice and just wanted to have a conversation, and he made it clear to my friend (who is a heterosexual male) that he was not hitting on him, because he is not attracted to straight men. At the end of the conversation, the guy asks my friend for his number, because he thought he was nice and wanted to hang out sometime. They exchange numbers, and the next day the gay guy texts my friend “Hey, it was really nice meeting you.” My friend was disgusted. His first reaction was “Ew, I totally knew that guy was hitting on me.” I told him that the guy clearly stated multiple times that he was not sexually interested in him, and that he was just trying to be friendly. My friend did not care, and was stuck on the thought that the guy was trying to seduce him. This frustrated me because I felt this was a shallow perspective of the entire situation. I also knew that if the guy had been straight, my friend would not have been weirded out, and if this had been a girl instead, my friend would have been super excited. I understand my friend’s perspective that the entire dynamic was a little weird. This happened on the east coast, and generally speaking, people are not as friendly and forward about befriending strangers (relative to the west coast). I also could understand that he may have been uncomfortable by the situation, maybe due to some insecurity towards homosexuality, or his own sexuality. All things considered, this was definitely a double standard.
Another way that these double standards persist in sexuality is the perspective and tone of words depending on one’s attractiveness. People like to think that we judge someone’s attractiveness by one’s words and heart, not his or her looks; however, this is not always the case. A random internet troll created a fake Tinder profile with pictures of a model. He then proceeded to send extremely vulgar and forward messages to his matches. You can see some of what he said here. It is very clear that he is only getting away with these messages because the women find him extremely attractive. The flip side is if a normal-looking or unattractive guy said any of the vulgar comments that the model said, he would be labeled as “disgusting” and “creepy”. Is that necessarily fair? Why is a situation similar to 50 Shades of Grey when the guy is attractive, but then rapey and creepy when he is not attractive? I understand the girls’ perspective that they may have certain sexual fantasies where they envision a model, or maybe that they have a much larger threshold for an attitude with an attractive guy than they do for an average guy. That being said, I find it hypocritical that girls are repulsed by a stranger who speaks vulgarly…except when he is a model. This same attitude persists amongst men’s sexual perspective towards women. A girl on Tinder who messages something funky will be perceived as charming and unique if she is attractive, but will be perceived as weird and odd if she is unattractive. This is a double standard and hypocritical as well.
Chivalry in dating is another interesting double standard. One chivalrous action in dating is a boyfriend going to pick up his girlfriend from the airport. One might expect to see this if the girlfriend was on a trip, or if the couple is in a distance relationship and the girlfriend is visiting. Generally speaking, it is expected that the man take extra action to care of the woman. But on the flip side, we live in a world where women are fighting for equal rights, equal pay, and an unbiased perspective of an individual’s gender. I am all for this, because I truly believe that everybody should be treated equally. However, as women fight for equality in pay and status, should they not also carry that into their romantic relationship? Should a woman feel responsible for picking her boyfriend up from the airport as well in order to be an equal partner in the relationship? I truly want equality for women in the workforce and in life, but I find it hypocritical when that does not carry over into the domestic partnership as well.
As mentioned earlier, another double standard that exists today is the persepctive of women in the workforce. In today’s world, a man who is very driven in the workforce is viewed as ambitious and successful. In some situations, when a woman is equally as driven in the workforce, she is viewed as cutthroat, cold, intimidating and too aggressive. This is a huge double standard and completely unfair. One’s gender should not affect his or her status or perception at work. One does not control gender, and so one’s actions should not be judged with gender in context. It should be purely based on character and motive. If one aims to be good, successful, and pure in the workforce, then the gender is irrelevant. Women are not doing 77% of the work men are doing, their quality is not 77% that of men, yet paychecks reflect that is the case. Some people argue that because of maternity leave, and because women are more likely to stay at home when they have children, that this pay gap is justified. Although those tendencies exist, I have trouble truly sympathizing with this logic; in my eyes, this is just hypocricy at its peak.
Racism itself is also an example of a double standard and hypocricy. This idea that someone has a certain tendency because of his or her race is hypocritical. A black male loitering a convenience store comes off as more suspicious than a white male. Look at the Death of Eric Garner as proof. He was not doing anything overly suspicious, and when he peacefully engaged with the police officers, they took extreme actions because of his race. This same double standard exists in the Brock Turner case, where it was an “accident” that Brock sexually assaulted the unconscious girl. If Brock had not been a white male, he would have been locked away for years. Although there is statistical proof that certain races have certain tendencies in relation to crime, it is not fair to place that standard on entire demographics. We are all individuals, not statistics. These current events that surround racism are the epitome of double standards and hypocricy.
Key Takeaways: Double standards and hypocricy persist in everyday life. From somthing as sublte as gender roles in a relationship, to something extremely flagrant such as suspicion and brutality due to race. The way to conquer these double standards and hypocrisies is to view each situation as cold cut and rational as possible. Observe the facts of the situation, and filter the noise of preconceived stigmas. Try to view each person and each moment individually as it is in that moment.