It’s Not You

The extensive manual “It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People” offers guidance on comprehending and overcoming relationships with narcissistic people. The book, written by psychologist and relationship specialist Wendy Behary, gives helpful insights into the nature of narcissistic relationships along with doable suggestions for getting over the relationship’s wounds and moving on.

Behary starts off by characterizing narcissism and outlining its different manifestations, ranging from the ostentatious narcissist who aspires to attention and praise to the subdued narcissist who seems modest but is truly self-absorbed. She investigates the causes of narcissism and suggests that abuse, neglect, or overindulgence throughout childhood are common causes.

The effect of narcissistic relationships on the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem is one of the book’s major themes. Behary describes how gaslighting, manipulation, and other strategies are employed by narcissists to subjugate and dominate their partners, resulting in emotions of uncertainty, worthlessness, and bewilderment. She provides doable methods for identifying these strategies and defending oneself from additional damage.

Behary also discusses the idea of “mirroring” in narcissistic partnerships, which is when the narcissist first mimics their partner’s preferences and passions to…