from my book: notes, letters & drunken stories
what does it say about a person who loves & believes so deeply in another human being? to the point that they know the greatest within the other is untapped? is this wrong? is it good? how will we ultimately know if our strongly held belief is true?
does god send an owl whizzing through the air with note attached, as in harry potter, saying “hey girl you were spot on!”? or will there be some incredible message from beyond typed out in neon “yes you are correct! they are indeed NOT living up to their true potential.” similar to the DOT signs along the freeway? or even better still, will robin williams come to me in a dream as his patch adams character, with his dazzling, red nose saying “you know girl, you have been on the right track for sometime, but clearly he is a dumbass. there just ain’t no cure for stupid.” damn i miss that man.
i digress. for most of my just less than 5 decades, i have been participating in an age old rite….dating. okay before you snarf out your rosé, i have also been a hard working, employed mum for half of it, so do the math. if i began dating at 16 years of age, and was only married for 13 months at a point, engaged 4 times (one was the marriage & the other three lasted in total 36 months), well then i have been participating in the ritual of mating for a rough 44 years. that certainly makes it most of my life. the question of “why?” is now beyond me.
dating no longer brings joy, therefore i have taken a indefinite break. crestfallen more times than i can count, yet like a freshly whipped pup i jump back up & repeatedly subject myself to pursuit of amore. therefore, no more amore. over it. can’t do it. done!
so i figured writing a book about said encounters would keep me occupied, be incredibly more productive & potentially income producing. of course amore can be income producing, but considering my video skills are lagging at the VHS level, I was thinking more along the legal avenue of authorship. at best it will increase my verbiage skills & at worse it will be a severe waste of brain power & time i could be watching netflix.
did i fail to mention over the course of the last many decades i have kept copious notes, old letters & have many a drunken story in some written form. i have been journaling my life since i was given my first diary in march 1978. this of course is long before the approved dating age of 16, but you know i did always loathe being regimented. plus i have all of my calendars with notes in the margins since 1988. with the introduction of the digital age, screenshots became my greatest ally.
the characters in my stories are in no way representative of any human living…because clearly if they had a pulse, their brains would have engaged, they wouldn’t have ghosted me & i would not still. be. single.
also, to anyone who gets their tighty whities in a tangle regarding certain details of a narrative, get over yourself. much like a taylor swift penned tune, you are just vain enough, to be elated you were even included.
i am eternally grateful to all of you fabulous ones who decided to use your cognitive function & precious, limited time in reading what comes on the next few pages. but as we say in my 12-step group, “if you can handle what comes up at six consecutive meetings…” or in this case pages, hopefully you will stick around for many more. thank you, as always, for reading.