the whispers. xo, PG

“difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper. life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream” — oprah winfrey

upon facebook scrolling this gray morning, i was immediately alerted “oprah is live.” clicking over to supersoul sunday,” oprah was interviewing paralympic snowboarder, amy purdy, a phenomenal young woman. for the few minutes i watched the only thing heard was oprah’s response to amy’s storytelling of how she discovered she had bacterial meningitis & was warned about crossing over by her massage patient a month prior.

oprah responded with “you get warned… it’s what i talk about all the time, it’s about the whispers, the whispers, the whispers bringing you the message.”

…..

i knew at the rate he was going, something bad was coming. i think i knew the night of our first, blind (this may be more prophetic than either of us would like to admit) date. yet i did not put the whisper concept together until today as i listened oprah say on “supersoul sundays,” “it’s the whispers, bringing you the message.” it’s been a year and a eight months. i keep track. i keep track of when it’s important.

this man, he loves to race. oh how he loves to race. very specifically motos on the amateur race circuit. that’s not all. he lives an accelerated life as well. he works hard, travels the world for work & pleasure, owns incredibly fast & expensive sports cars, has multiple homes in different states, is raising young boys & is dating. he sleeps little & not well (yes he snores) & goes all day until he crashes every single night. this pace would be difficult for anyone to maintain, yet he persists.

ironically before we met & upon reviewing his facebook profile, my response to our mutual friend making the introduction, “he is an adrenaline junkie.” i wasn’t wrong & if i am evaluating honestly, he raced as fast as he could away from me as well. in a strange twist of fate, he has not truly disappeared.

his name has been generally showing up in written form of late. we no longer date (honestly haven’t in more than a minute), yet when i heard oprah’s words today i had an epiphany. the whispers of what was to come were speaking to me then…are they now, as well?

the whispers that call me to write at any given time. oft times they are louder than others. perhaps these are the screams oprah mentions… yet in a more positive manner.

upon becoming friendly with several of his best friends & schooled in his affinity for moto racing, it took me only a month in to repeatedly say to his people… “if anything happens to him, you need to let me know. PROMISE you will let me know. promise.” they assured me, they would indeed. i trusted their word.

in june of our second year of friendship, they broke this promise. he was in a horrific motorcycle accident whilst racing out of town. i was not there. he has a girlfriend & she was there i am sure, but that’s a different story for another day. i was not told about the crash until two weeks later & the excuse was “he didn’t want anyone to know.” yes he did. he told my daughter, mckenna.

while convalescing, he text her acknowledging a thank you note for a recent gift of a concert. this was his way of ensuring i received word. mckenna calmly shared the information. i absorbed it, broke down & was crestfallen on many levels, but grateful he was alive.

this pace would be difficult for anyone to maintain, yet he persists.

he almost did not make it & was close to losing a portion of his leg. he survived, yet i felt helpless. i was not allowed to see him or assist with food or care taking in any way. but if we are friends, then this is what friends do when there is a tragedy. we visit. we cook. IT’S WHAT I DO!! my superpower was being thwarted. i was crushed, but not shocked. i had heard the whispers.

the gist of this story is…i knew. the whispers had been telling me. i would say to him all the time, please ride safe, whenever i knew he was racing. he was the most cautious of riders for not only himself, but any passenger for a more leisurely ride. he acknowledges (well at least to mckenna) he was driving too slow for the track & was tired, so he made a mistake, which almost cost him his life. so why did i worry? why did i care?

because i loved him. i would pray for his safety daily (truth is i still do), yet i knew this crash was coming in one form or another. at the rate he was moving in his life, he was bound to make a misstep & he did. it is possibly a metaphor for his life, headed way off the track as well. i have the ability to recognize similar disasters as i too hit bottom, went off track, down the rabbit hole. i saw it coming for us both. i had heard the whispers but chose to ignore them.

i knew it was coming. i prayed it wouldn’t. i didn’t want it to happen, but i subconsciously knew because the whispers were telling me… & often. when you keep moving without dedicated physical, mental & emotional rest, there is a cost. most don’t see the total of the destruction, until the mess is made. but the whispers sent you messages & often the same whispers were sent to the ones who love us the most.

pay attention to the whispers, as they are there for a reason. the whispers are trying to lead you in the right direction if only you will listen.

just be still & quiet for a minute… or thirty.

as always, thank you for reading.

with peaceloveandgratitude

xo, PG