A Day with Unmedicated ADHD

Maria
Maria
Sep 6, 2018 · 4 min read

8:59 AM — Wake up and get angry at yourself for sleeping through your alarm you set to do laundry before class.

9:00 AM- Alarm goes off. You actually set it for 9:00 AM because you got home late last night, and now you’re angry at yourself for nothing.

9:11 AM- Get out of bed to make coffee, which you’re addicted to as it alleviates some symptoms of ADHD.

9:11 AM- Hit your JUUL, which you bought not to look cool but because nicotine is also proven to help those with ADHD.

9:15 AM- Realize you forgot to press the start button on the Keurig. Ha, so quirky!

9:20ish AM- Watch Netflix while you drink the coffee. Every ten minutes, compulsively do mental math to figure out what time you need to leave for class.

10:41 AM- Yeah, you’re going to be late for that class. Somehow despite all your mental math and having a reminder alarm on your phone you set at the beginning of the year, you’re going to be late again.

10:43 AM- Yell at yourself really loud in your head the whole way down in the elevator. Try not to cry because that would be dumb and there’s people in the elevator.

11:00 AM- Get to class ten minutes late. Want to cry again when everyone stares at you. (This one isn’t necessarily ADHD, but it could be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, an emotional sensitivity recently discovered in basically everyone with ADHD.)

11:10 AM- Share textbook with nice kid you sit next to because you keep forgetting to order yours. He’s very nice about it.

11:40 AM- Go to eat before next class. This one’s a success, unless you count forgetting to open a message from a friend asking you to eat with her and eating alone for nothing.

12:30ish PM- Your best friend from back home calls and as soon as you answer, you ask her to remind you at 1:00 PM to go to class. You guys have a system for stuff like this and it makes you feel safe.

1:10 PM- Next class. You try really hard to take active notes but end up looking up semi-permanent tattoo ink. You feel bad about this one and yell at yourself all the way back to your dorm.

2:30 PM- Back at your dorm, you force yourself to do work. Because it’s an essay, you’re able to “hyperfocus” and actually get work done. But for some reason, you have to listen to a podcast as you do.

4:20 PM- This time, your roommate reminds you to go to class. This is really sweet of her because you likely wouldn’t remember despite your alarm reminding you.

5:00 PM- Last two classes. These are alright once you remember the Crystal Pepsi that’s been in your bag for a week and you drink it to keep you awake.

7:20 PM- Slam into your boyfriend on your way back to your dorm. Literally run into him because you’re on your phone trying to Google Maps your way back to the place you’ve lived at for three weeks now.

7:23 PM- Stop dead in your tracks. Turn to your boyfriend and say, “Let me check to see if I have my wallet”. You sound so calm because you lose things all the time.

7:25 PM- Wallet is not in backpack. Feel the anger at yourself and the angry tears rising, but smile. Deep breath. Tell your boyfriend you have to walk 20 minutes back to your last class in hopes it will be there. He’s worried but you insist he doesn’t come with you because you know you’ll cry on the way there and you can’t talk while you’re crying.

7:51 PM- Wallet is not in bathroom, lecture hall or the lost and found. You go back to the bathroom at scratch at your skin until you feel okay again. You want to scream, this is the forth time you’ve lost it in three weeks and you really need to get one of those Tile things and you’re a fuck up. You’re ruining everyone’s day with this.

8:00 PM- Notice a worried text from your boyfriend. Reply letting him know you couldn’t find it but the guy at lost and found told you maybe the custodians found it and will return it late tonight. You tell him you’re going to go back first thing tomorrow morning.

8:23 PM- You go back to your boyfriend’s dorm. He hugs you and says he knows it sucks. You want to tell him how angry you are at yourself and how you don’t know what to do. You know you could say all these things because he’s a good guy.

8:30 PM- Your boyfriend has work to do, so you sit and do your own readings.

8:37 PM- Correction: you try to focus on your own readings. Boyfriend asks if you’re okay and you realize you’re crying. You’re okay.

9:22 PM: Roommate sends you a picture of your wallet, safe on your bed. You’re over the moon, just grinning at your boyfriend for a minute before the anger, all directed internally, comes back. You’re just so frustrated with yourself. Everything is difficult but it’s only your fault, no one else’s. Nothing is easy but you do this to yourself.

Note: I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago but I’ve never taken ADHD medication before because my parents disproved of it. I do not know if taking it will make my life easier but I have an appointment with the Student Health Center next week to see if I can get a perscription.