Compliments that stand out don’t notice the same things every man has; They acknowledge the things every man hasn’t. As MEL deputy editor Alana Levinson told me, “A great compliment should be to highlight someone’s unique qualities, what makes them different. Too many men see it as a way to tell a woman she meets society’s standards. I get why they do it — everyone wants to be told they are pretty. But pretty girls know they are pretty; they figured it out at age 5. I’d rather be told I’m different in some way.” Her examples: Instead of you have pretty eyes, say “I like the way your eyes change color in the sun” or “I like the way your lips purse when you’ve had something sour.”
I know it’s to tell her she has a bangin’ bod. But what do you want from this woman you’re about to drop some knowledge on? The first thing you should ask yourself before you blurt out a compliment to a woman is why you’re actually complimenting her. Are you trying to be nice? Or are you trying to get laid? Do you want to get to know her or are you just trying to boost her confidence? Do you want something out of this woman or do you just give compliments to anyone, willy nilly? This is important, because men often dole out compliments in a scattershot haphazard way that leave women with absolutely no real understanding of what you want. We assume if you’re complimenting us at all, you are probably willing to fuck us or trying to. Barring that, it’s anyone’s guess.
I didn’t treat women like people. People like me. Men were friends, colleagues. Women were puzzles to solve. They were like complicated video games: mostly what they got from me was my best attempts to perform the right moves, at the right time, in the right sequence, to get the reward.