Fitting In and Other Tragedies

I moved from California to Arizona in 2014, it was a big change but after moving at least 5 or 6 times around San Francisco in the previous 2 years I was ready to make a change big enough to stick. So when the opportunity to work in a premium cannabis dispensary in Flagstaff, AZ presented itself I had to accept and see what small mountain town living was all about. What I learned is that I just simply don’t fit in in Arizona. My partner Josh is convinced that I don’t fit in because I’m not trying, but would he still love me if I was the type of person to just mold my very being for the sake of comfort? So now, flashing forward, I’m living on a cattle ranch in a small conservative town and I’ve removed myself even more from the comforts of what may almost resemble fitting in. And it’s led me to really think about what it takes to feel comfortable in a new place. How does a person adapt with out changing?

So instead of focusing on how weird I felt wearing my flip flops and wild yoga leggings around a bunch of cowboys all the time I decided instead to focus on a time where I felt like I fit in. Ah, San Francisco, a time I remember so fondly. Well, now I do. Because as I sat with my coffee this morning and thought back to my time in the Bay a realization hit me: I didn’t feel like I fit in there either. The athletes thought I was a party animal in college, the Dubstep scene thought I was a dumb blonde girl from SoCal, the queer kids found me too straight and the hipsters… well we all know about them. How do I know that though? I don’t. All I know is that my insecurities shone brightly enough that I adorned everyone around me with them, making myself uncomfortable for no reason.

See, fitting in isn’t about wearing an outfit or understanding the lingo. It’s not about piercings or furry hats. Fitting in is a mindset. We don’t have to change to fit in, we just have to feel comfortable enough in our own skin to present ourselves with a calm sense of belonging. Easier than it sounds, but easier than feeling like an outsider in my own life.