THEY — Chapter 10 — Orientation
This is chapter 10 of my book “THEY”. If you are finding it for the first time, begin with Chapter 1 (or check the INDEX )! Then check out the rest of my stories on my MEDIUM profile: Caralynn Scott — Medium
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CHAPTER 10 — Orientation
Jennic found Dr. Ling waiting for her, seated in a comfortable chair across from a small sofa to which they motioned she should take a seat. The Arti, who remained in the room, glided to a spot by the wall where it hovered attentively waiting for it’s next command.
Settling into a comfortable looking wing back chair, the doctor asked compassionately, “How are you settling in Jennic?”
“OK, I think.”
“I hope you found everything in order.”
A little too much in order Jennic thought. It was unnerving how her room and everything in it just where she had left it back at her home. “Yes.” She said, timidly, playing with her fingers.
“I know this must all seem a little… overwhelming to you, but you must understand that facilities like the Centre for Neutralizing Gender and Sexuality are necessary to help patients become happy and productive members of society in our world, hmm? Self expression is welcomed, of course, but we can’t have everyone running around saying they are this sex or that now, can we.”
Jennic was not convinced yet, but she knew the answer Dr. Ling wanted to hear, and until she understood more, it seemed best to play the role she had been assigned, “No, I suppose not.” She answered.
“So, I wanted to meet with you early and give you some orientation regarding the process of your treatment before we begin. There are several strategies we use to produce a positive outcome.” The doctor studied Jennic for a few moments, seemingly gauging her reaction. Jennic’s face remained silent. “We have had some limited successes, and we hope the transformative experience will be positive for you. It is our greatest desire to see that you are returned home as soon as possible.”
Limited successes? Jennic thought. How limited were they? Were none of their subjects fully successful? Had they merely had some successes? This was decidedly not the time to raise such questions, as the doctor was still watching her, assessing her, deciding whatever it was they needed to decide. Short answers and to the point, Jennic thought before answering simply, “That would be good.”
“Do you have any questions before we begin?”
Jennic did have questions. So many questions. However, she was beginning to feel they might not be answered the way she had hoped when she sat in the common room, not that long ago. Still, there were some questions she felt she could ask, and any answers would be helpful. “Yes…” Jennic thought back on the conversation with the other guests just moments earlier. She had completely understood what her new friends had told her, and with every minute that passed, she felt more certain that she knew what she was. But she was curious, what did the facility think? The answer to that question might indirectly answer so many others. “… What… Umm… Am I? What is wrong with me?”
The doctor cocked their head and studied the newcomer for a moment. “Well, I suspect you’ve been talking to some of the other guests in the facility already. You get straight to the point I see.”
Dr. Ling twirled their electronic writing tool around their thumb as they considered carefully how to continue. “We have been monitoring you for some time Jennic, and we know quite a lot about you. For example, we know that for many orbits you have been presenting increasingly as female in Gender. Do you know what that means?”
Jennic thought she knew, and she had a clearer picture after the conversation with the other guests, but that did not mean Dr Ling would give her the same explanation. She wanted them to say aloud exactly what they thought, so she feigned ignorance, “I’m not sure.” She offered.
“Well, before our forebears evolved into a unified and peaceful species of humanity, we were divided into many groups, defined by the colour of our skin, our belief system, our gender and biological sex, even by what part of the world we were born in. It was a chaotic time for our species and the source of so many conflicts and divisions. It took the better part of a millennia for humanity to rise above it. Gradually, though, we changed. We evolved. We found stability as we became neutral and now of course we are all just … Human. We no longer divide ourselves into subsets. We are individuals but within a collective that supports one another and the environment around us, each of us contributing what we can in whatever way makes sense for us. We Live within the bounds defined by the equilibrium and balance of the whole. That is the way we believe we should be. It is the natural evolution of our species.
“There are no more male or female divisions in our species. We are a eusocial society and we have erased all divisiveness and discord. As such, we can concentrate on more important things now, free of all those troublesome categories like male and female. Of course, we want you to be a part of that too, don’t you see? We want to keep you from falling back into he chaotic ways of our past.”
“So, you’re saying I’m not … Normal?”
“I have already told you that we have observed you expressing yourself as gender female. However, when you entered the facility, our bio-scans determined you are actually a sexually intact male. Were you aware of this?”
Jennic, having only recently come to a full understanding of what this meant, was only beginning to put the pieces together, but she thought she had a good grasp on the facts and felt it was safe to say so. She nodded an acknowledgement.
“Most likely you were delivered to your parents this way accidentally. Parents are not usually aware of these characteristics and do not know what to look for. Deviations in their children are usually ignored, even downplayed, unless there is some reason to be concerned. It is relatively easy for someone to never be diagnosed and the condition remain uncorrected.”
“Not only are you not normalized to neutral, but even within yourself there appears to be a disparity between your desire to present female and your physiognomy. I can only imagine that the conflict between the two must be raging within you.” Jennic did not feel anything raging in her other than her growing dislike for this place, but the doctor was not really asking a question. They had already made presuppositions based on their own world view. Jennic saw no reason to cause real conflict by objecting as the doctor continued. “It must be very confusing for you.” There was a pause, as if to allow Jennic to let that sink in before they continued. “We want to bring you peace within. We want to make things right. How do you feel about that?”
“I do want to be OK, and I’m prepared to do what it takes to be comfortable with myself. It can be confusing at times, for sure.”
“Good. You have a healthy level of anxiety over this. That will be useful in the process.”
That, of course, was not what Jennic meant at all. She felt the anxiety of being at the facility but did not feel any conflict about her gender or her sexuality. Those things simply were axiomatic within herself. They simply were. Unsure how the doctor would react to her insisting she was healthy, however, she decided she would not risk voicing her beliefs. It would probably be futile anyway as the doctor had clearly made up their mind what was right. So, she decided to let it go.
“Wonderful. That will make an excellent starting point.” The doctor continued, oblivious to Jennic’s true feelings. “From there, we should be able to help you find your center and eventually return you to normal society and your home.”
When she had first come to the facility, finding herself more like everyone else would have been the ultimate goal, she thought, but now, as she was beginning to see who she really was in more of a positive light, and this place more negatively, she was beginning to reconsider. Perhaps it was more important for her to be her authentic self. Perhaps if she worked at that really hard, she might find a way to fit into this world.
But the possibility remained that if she chose that forbidden path, she would never be accepted. She decided there was one more needed answer that was worth risking one very hazardous question. “What happens if I don’t change? If I remain the way I am? What would happen to me then?”
The doctor studied Jennic closely. She thought she could even see a glint of anger behind the clinicians’ eyes, but the doctor took the time to collect themselves before answering. When they did, there was no hint of malice in their tone of voice, more a form of pity, “That’s not really an option now, is it? How would you function in society? People would never accept you. They would always find you strange. And of course, the dangers of sexual reproduction would continue to be a specter looming over you. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. I’m afraid if we allowed breeding… “, the doctor convulsed and contorted their face in disgust at the sound of the word, “we would return to the bedlam of our past. Our society would devolve into chaos. It might even mean the end of our species.”
Jennic thought the last statement was a hyperbolic exaggeration, but evidently the doctor genuinely believed it. Jennic had run across the concept of procreation in her books, but it had not seemed relevant to her life before. Suddenly the possibility loomed real in front of her. She recalled some of those writings about having children. Some of the ancient books had even written about the pleasures of sexual intimacy during the act of conception, but the thought that she could be complicit in that was still foreign to her. “Breeding? Who said anything about me being a part of breeding?”
“It’s inevitable I’m afraid. Yes… indeed, I see there are a lot of things you have yet to learn, Jennic. But that is why you are here, I suppose. We will teach you there are some things you need to know and others that you will want to un-learn and forget. Eventually you will accept there are thoughts you need to abandon. But let me give you a clearer answer to your earlier question. If we do not correct your problems, we may have to resort to more… Drastic measures.” The doctor looked across the small room ominously from under their furry eyebrows in a way that made Jennic’s back tingle. She did not feel that clarified things at all.
“Drastic Measures?”
“Yes. There are always some whom we cannot help. But we are not cruel. We have a place for them to live out their lives, away from the rest of society.”
“Where?”
“Somewhere safe. Somewhere they can live their lives like the animals they become.” the doctor said.
Jennic felt uneasy about the doctor’s lack of candor, but she knew that they were not going to offer any more detailed information. To find out about this place she could be sent to, she would have to make inquiries elsewhere by some other means. Before she could ask any more questions of the doctor, however, they motioned to the Arti, which came to life again and interrupted. “Session time has ended.” The little automaton said, “I will now accompany you back to the public area for a time of study.”
You mean back to my gilded jail cell, Jennic thought, but she dutifully followed the machine out of the office.
The Arti took Jennic back to the communal area and directed her to a study cubicle where she was directed to continue the studies she had begun at home. The physics project she was working on involving an understanding of gravity wells in space-time. The subject involved some relatively complex math, but Jennic loved working with the numbers and found the exercises a welcome distraction from all that had gone on in the doctor’s office. She immersed herself completely in the task.
Hours later, she was tired enough to head back to her living space. She stood and looked around for the new acquaintances she had made earlier in the day but did not spot any of them. If they had finished their studies they may have returned to their rooms, or perhaps they were still in the lecture halls. She did not know.
She paused for a moment as she reflected on her use of the pronouns Fenlow had taught her to use to describe herself, she/her. It had come so quickly and easily to her, almost as if it had always been that way. She had no problem thinking of Fenlow and Laybo as ‘him’ either. She wondered what Navlin or Praija would think when they found out how she was referring to herself now? Would they find it so easy? Would they reject the idea?
Once more the little transport cube took her to her personal space and Jennic was reminded how odd it was that her familiar room now existed within the bounds of this facility. Yet the space was a welcome respite from the strangeness around her.
She could not stop thinking about the meeting with the doctor, and what it would mean for her to stay at the facility. However, she resolved that she could do nothing about it at the moment, and that she was tired. After taking a quick shower, she prepared herself for bed and fell asleep almost instantly as her head lay on the pillow.
