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It is really hard when life is not working out as we wanted, or we have really deep-seated patterns that we can’t seem to change, no matter how many self help books we read, or life coach blogs we read.
Sometimes then we wonder…’do I need therapy?’, then we wonder…’am I ill then? I don’t feel THAT bad’. However, we realise we are not getting the best out of our life/relationships/job…the list goes on.
Then we start looking and become even more bewildered as there are thousands of therapists out there and their profiles are full of jargon…how do I choose? There are two main points to consider:
- Does this person look like someone who I feel will understand me and shares my values and that I would like to work with? This is known to be THE most important factor for progress.
2. Do they work in a way that suits me?
For those reasons I offer a FREE 20-minute consultation to see if I am the right person for you, and why I have put together this programme to outline how I work with a few tips to get you started.
Let’s get started!!
1. Set your goal/s. If we miss this step we miss out on being able to recognise our gains, appreciate the change we have made and know when we have succeeded.
Otherwise it is like saying ‘I want to be a runner’ without defining what that means. Are you a runner when you can run 100m or a marathon? How fast do you need to go? Defining these points ensures we don’t finish our first marathon and not classify ourselves as a runner because our time wasn’t ‘Good enough’.
At first your goals may be vague…. ‘I want to feel better’….so then we identify what would have to be different for us to feel better. Still stuck? That’s fine. As we move through the stages your goals will become clearer.
2. Complete a diary. Like your old school planner! What you did and how it made you feel, e.g.
a) What made you feel content/happy/good (whatever feelings you identify that are positive ones).
b) What maybe you did not necessarily enjoy but you got a sense of satisfaction out of it. It could be doing the family accounts, or that fitness class when you weren’t in the mood.
c) What left you with negative feelings.
It can be useful to colour code your diary. Not only a relaxing exercise but lets you easily see how your week was balanced.
3. Write a list of all the activities you can think of which give you positive feelings. Looking at your diary, how many of those do you have to have done to make the day overall a good day?
This is where we would then look at balance, and how we can achieve the right activity balance for you.
4. Take note of those activities/moments that left you with negative thoughts and/or feelings. Then review
a) Was it necessary to do them at that particular time?
b) What the negative thoughts were at the time (this can often be REALLY difficult to identify, so keep trying)?
c) Was your behaviour affected? E.g. were you so fed up you watched trash TV rather than meet up with your friends (or participate in a Zoom call if you are in lockdown!)
5. This is where we look more closely and identify the cycles we are stuck in that hold us back!
6. Now we work on either changing the behaviours, or challenging the thoughts…whichever we feel will work most effectively for the particular issue.
Changing behaviours, can sometimes be managed by ourselves if we can find the motivation. Often roping in friends, partners or family and being accountable to them helps too.
Challenging our thinking is often where it gets difficult to make the change ourselves as we tend to be stuck in thinking patterns that have been with us for a long time. Perhaps formulated by childhood experiences. This is where sometimes another person can help us step back, see the bigger picture, and a different perspective.
Sometimes friends and family can help here, and sometimes they are too close and emotions can be too strong.
This is where counselling can help you to explore how you feel and what you really want, and find the right solution for you.
CBT is solution focussed so depending on what you wish to work on, can be short term work of a few sessions, to longer term work if your issues are deeper rooted or trauma based. The average is 6 sessions.
If you have worked through the steps (or not!) and would like more help to start your journey of change please get in touch with me at www.cardiffcounsellingservices.co.uk and we can arrange a free consultation to discuss your future!
