Redefining Rest
Written by Consuelo Celine Fuentes, Cardoner Volunteer Batch 6 | Virtually Deployed to St. Aloysius Gonzaga Institute of Higher Studies (SAG-IHS), Taunggyi, Myanmar
There are several kinds of rest a person needs to be well-balanced and live as a Christian that brings salt and light to the world. Many of us feel constantly exhausted by the daily grind of adulting and as teachers we also carry the mission of nurturing the holistic growth and health of our learners. In time, it becomes too much. In Matthew 11:28, God calls: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
This school year has been a rude awakening for the need to take time for myself and I have breezed through the months discovering different kinds of rest. I explored physical and mental rest from the fast paced life of an academic administrator and an overloaded teacher.
Reducing my professional workload, incorporating healthier physical activities that were good for the mind and body and preparing a safe haven for good quality sleep at home all helped weed out the tumultuous thoughts in my mind.
I took creative rest by diving into literature, music and art which allowed me to explore the beauty around me and see things in a refreshed light. Social rest through focusing on interactions helped me feel alive, supported and meaningful.
I spent time with people who showed me that I was not alone and there is so much wisdom found in the experiences of others. Practicing emotional and spiritual rest through praying, journaling and studying meditation helped me identify areas to rejoice and be grateful in.
God has been gracious. All these helped breathe new life and meaning to my soul that has been shrouded by pain and fear.
But none of them were enough. There exists wounds that these kinds of rests cannot help. It is deeply disturbing to do everything I could and still feel like nothing is enough and to constantly look for comfort and wisdom in wrong places. But St. Ignatius teaches us non multa sed multum, not many but much.
Last April 11–16, Cardoner Volunteer Program teachers underwent a midyear formation program. God saw that I needed a stronger break than usual and I was asked to drop everything and be with Him in Bangkok, Thailand. This was my first silent retreat and in the absence of wifi, academic and home responsibilities, I discovered a strange kind of silence and rest. During the two days of complete silence, my spiritual director, Ms. Agnes Sagaral, journeyed with me as I redefined rest and in the process, I was blessed with the following breakthroughs:
1. It is not easy to let go of the burdens we carry, especially if by every standard in the Bible and the world, what we carry is beautiful, meaningful and purposeful. But sometimes, God asks us to let go.
2. God will patiently wait for us to be ready to let Him carry the burden for us. He will walk beside us until we allow Him to love us, until we are ready to be held in His love.
3. God loves us and understands us. His omniscience to our responses gives us comfort that we are loved despite making Him wait for us.
4. It is beautiful. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. When we are ready to give it to the Lord, it is beautiful.
But all this wisdom is not possible if the heaviest question in my heart was left unanswered: How do I rest when I am not ready to let go of the heavy but beautiful burdens God has previously asked me to hold?
Back in September, a friend helped me learn that I can walk 10k steps uphill. I never thought I could but I did it anyway. Along the way, I kept calling out and asking for us to stop for a while because my legs were tired, and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to give up because I knew the pain was good. I was not ready to say I couldn’t do it anymore even though I knew I was allowed to.
I rode my pink Japanese bicycle a few weeks ago to the talipapa near where I live and I ended up buying a lot of vegetables, meat, rice and fruit. I had to ride my bike uphill with more than ten kilos on my back and in the basket. My legs were shaking and I couldn’t pedal anymore, but there was no one I could call for help. I had to take the groceries home. I had to be strong enough to do it. Eventually, I did.
Sometimes, giving up is difficult because what we carry is important to us. We force ourselves to continue walking or pedaling through life because we live in hope that things we hold have purpose and meaning.
Sometimes, God takes away everyone we trust so in the solitude, we learn courage and reliance in only Him. Sometimes, we are called to walk life alone because God needs to build our strength… and many many times, we are not immediately ready to heed his call of letting go. Well, what I learned is, letting go is not the only option when I am tired and the load is heavy.
Whatever makes my heart break and my soul dim, just like my groceries, I can put them down for a while, rest for five minutes, pick them back up again and continue walking. God is with me through it all. He is ready to hold them for me when I allow it.
There are many ways to rest, but much of what we need is to completely rest in Him alone. If we don’t know how to do that yet, then just lend the burdens to God for five minutes, take it back and in time, we realize that God can carry them for us as we walk this life with Him.
Lastly, I rest my hope in this: when God calls us to rest in Him, it means He is preparing us for something inconceivably beautiful.