When did you change? When did this happen to us?
Why are we scared of each other?
You represent my insecurity. You hold up a mirror to my fear.
You smear my own self loathing in my face with your anger.
It stirs up inside me like a harsh wind stirs the darkness.
I have finally come to recognize me.
It is me who I see when you look at me with anger.
The rejection and emptiness that comes in the form of a pause or a judgement yanks the suppressed, beaten down, muffled screams of fear and flips them on the pavement for the world to see.
I panic at their presence and run.
I turn away with fear that their ugliness is only who I am.
Standing face to face with my ugly is your fault. I blame you. I hate you.
I resist for years.
Until I don’t.
Until I open my eyes and walk into to wind.
I hold my head up and breathe. I feel the darkness and I wrap my heart around it.
I imagine an enlightened Hand wrapping around the screams holding them gently until they start to soften.
I bend down and embrace the small child of fear and I hold her to my Heart. She melts into me.
She becomes me.
I become strong and brave and okay.
You held up a mirror to me and I finally come to recognize me.
For that, I love you.