There are a ton of women who keep coming back to the deed because it is one of the most pleasurable…
Vince Fulco

I am a female that loves sex, when I get to be an equal participant, and under the kinds of loving conditions that Caitlin so eloquently describes. Rape culture is not really about sex, it’s about power dynamics. I don’t find anything extreme about Caitlin’s description of rape culture that every woman I have ever spoken with deeply about their lives has experienced, in some form. My husband also seems to disbelieve my lived experience of rape culture and sexual harassment, starting when I was a child, and becoming a “normal” part of my life by my early 20s. This is still the social pattern that women learn, that men are in charge because they can rape, even if they don’t. I can give dozens of examples of assaults in my own life, from minor street harassment to actual rape. These experiences teach women our place, and every one is an assault on my body, my safety, my sparkle, my confidence. My husband simply can’t see or understand it; the experience of being female is too far from his own. But like Caitlin describes he still benefits from the power structure that devalues “women’s” work, and I still do largely unpaid work, every day of the week. It has no tangible value, so my husband “supports” me. Truth is, I’m the support that keeps him going. I don’t want to bash men; I also love the men in my life, but they are the ones, you are the one, any good man listening, that can change this. You.

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