Trump’s Address, Easy Version.

Here’s what I learned from watching Donald Trump’s address to Congress, February 28, 2017:

— It’s a good idea to invest in our country’s infrastructure and spend $1 Trillion dollars because now I’m the one saying it! When the black Democrat said the exact same thing and offered multiple bills to do it, that was socialism and he wanted America to fail.

— We should take care of our vets and spend the money needed to help them for their service. Never mind that we (the Republican party) sent them into harm’s way in the first place and blocked bills to care for them while the Socialist was President.

— It was “really really bad” that we spent almost $6 Trillion dollars on all of those wars. We, the party that caused all of it will now do wars “better” and you can trust us. By the way, let’s have the largest military spending increase of all time.

— We should all get along and cooperate for the good of the country. While this was the consistent and eloquent theme of the black guy, we questioned his birthplace and stood by while some of our voters lynched and burned effigies of him. We should all forget this now, and if you disagree you hate America.

— The problem with the Affordable Care Act is the rising cost of pharmaceuticals and rising cost of insurance premiums. We, the Republican party are completely beholden to those interests and it was our idea to put these exact stipulations into the ACA as part of our “compromise” with the Socialist Kenyan Dictator. But now we will suddenly “fix” everything and it’s just going to be so good. So good. Believe me.

— I have assembled the richest and most-connected cabinet in the history of the Presidency. From Goldman-Sachs executives to the CEO of Exxon, to the Vice-President of the Cyprus-based bank that Russian oligarchs launder their money as my Commerce Secretary, I’m draining the swamp in Washington to fight back at the undue influence of money in our politics. I am draining the swamp simply because I just said I was, and any attempt to repeat the above factual information is fake news. Hey Liberals, why do you hate America?

— Although crime is at a 20-year low, and illegal immigration is slowing down, I’m going to repeat the exact opposite to justify an outrageously expensive wall on the border and increased incarceration in private prisons and increased law enforcement tactics. If you insist on sticking to the facts, you are against the amazing movement of hope that is sweeping the Nation.

Whew. I hope I got it all right — thanks for the great speech, Donald!

Is America Great Again or what?

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