Much is being made today by friends and family about of the “single mother” in print today, some publicity that presents a success of sorts. Those words still feel shocking to me, and yet I first said it with tears to my minister in Jan 2015. Over two years ago. Wow.
Last night was lonely. I took my 3 girls to an Asian tapas bar and had a drink, saying “cheers” to myself on Facebook. Miss 6 fell asleep (it was past 8pm- just) But I choose to be there alone (when I asked him to move out) and it was good. It was ok. I was ok.
The real tears last night were for memory of a night when I celebrated a much bigger achievement -successfully navigating a three day ISO 13485 microbiology audit on behalf of a client. A class III implantable device could now be sold to go into real people. 6 months of late nights, masses of learning and 100s of documents culminating in 7 16 hr days onsite at thier facility. We passed. Huge result. SO GOOD. Their staff went out to celebrate and I got on a plane back to Sydney. My husband was in the city having Friday work drinks, so naturally after the anticlimax of a plane ride some drinks to celebrate would be good.
Only he wasn’t interested in me, and I was an awkward intrusion into his world. He flirted with other girls at the bar while I chatted to his work colleagues who were nicely interested in this other crazy world of medical device certification that they knew nothing about. THAT was loneliness.
He got the uber driver to buy Maccas on the way home. I helped him inside then climbed into bed as he wretched up the regretful fast food, then fended off drunken advances knowing that never ends in joy for anyone.
My tears last night were for the married but lonely me 4 years back when to all intents and purposes from the outside everything was great.
So, I’m separated, a single mum, but coming to terms with it.
Cheers to me and the friends who laugh and cry and celebrate with me, and my crazy daughters who love life so much and make it so so fun! Today is my Birthday and I’ll be celebrating with them.