If you really knew me. . .

August 30, 2016

Hi Dr. Pirrone,

My name is Carly Greer and I am a victim of the Resting Bitch Face epidemic (RBF). RBF is a case where my resting face-as obviously stated in the name- is blank, lacking any sort of emotion- literally. I could be happy, I could be sad, I could be fuming, I could even be laughing internally, but no one would ever know because my facial expression does not change. In the Twitterverse, Resting Bitch Face is ~ trendy. ~ Girls think RBF is, for lack of a better term, cool, because it tricks them into thinking they are a strong independent person who is on a mission and knows what she wants. But in reality, I am probably- no- definitely, thinking about how I should not have had that fourth slice of pizza last night at 2:33AM. Too many people have told me honestly that they were scared of me when they first met me, and thought I was going to lack personality. Surprise bitches, jokes on you! My dad has told me numerous times that I have a huge personality and am “really funny.” So, I am writing this letter in hopes of giving you a glimpse of my shady personality.

If I had to summarize myself in six sentences, they would be as follows: My nickname is Shalissa. Do not ask me who Shalissa is because I literally do not know her. I do know, however, that she is a ~ chunky yet funky ~ girl who was featured in a stupid, seven second video I saw two years ago. I used to be chunky, and I still am funky, so I took the name upon myself. Over time, my sister started calling me Shaliss, my cousin began calling me Shal, and all of my friends greet me as “Shaliisssaaaaaa.” Shalissa is now truly part of who I am.

When I was three years old, my family and I were visiting California for my cousins Bar Mitzvah. One afternoon, I played hide and seek with my parents; however, I did not tell them that we were playing. So I hid behind a chair in the hotel lobby, and low and behold…twenty minutes later…my parents were seeking me out…with a policeman…because they thought they lost me. I jumped out and said, “hahahahahaha you found me!!!” At the time, I was the only one who got a kick out of that. Presently, everyone thinks that is a great story and I am a little jokester! This scenario is the epitome of my sense of humor, and the relationships I have with my friends. I do or say something that is truly funny, yet initially no one thinks it is- except for me obviously. Then I usually give it about five minutes or a day — depending on the situation — and then I rightfully receive the anticipated responses of smiles, laughter, and/or “HAHAHAH oh my god Carly, how did you think of that? That’s amazing.”

I am sincerely sorry in advance for when my RBF acts up during class. I enjoy the class and am deeply excited to improve on my writing skills, as they are an academic weakness of mine. I am eager to choose my research topic, expand my knowledge, and share it with my classmates, as well. Dr. Pirrone, please do not take offense to my lack of emotion, as I am most likely not aware of how I am coming across. Although I may not be the first one to smile, I whole-heartedly take pride in making others laugh and feel good about themselves. I am looking forward to getting to know you, along with my classmates, more throughout the semester. If comic relief is ever necessary, you know whom to come to for help.

Sincerely,

Carly Greer