Moving On

Today is the day I move on.

The person I was is stale, old, tiered of fighting the same old demons. When I look towards the future I don’t see her there, complaining about the changes that never came about. Some day soon, I kept telling myself. Well someday came and went and I just stat there wondering what would happen next.

As you get older, your time becomes more valuable. Like a vintage car that’s patiently waiting to come back in style. My glory days are still ahead of me and at some point I hope to find myself surrounded by folks who appreciate my beauty but until that day I’ll stay waiting in the backdrop of life.

No one can give you the same validation that you can give yourself.

One day you wake up realizing you are helping everyone succeed but yourself and suddenly you’ve been forgotten and discarded. No one cares how you feel or what you gave of yourself to further the greater cause. Your time is only valuable to you, so you decide what it’s worth. Letting others determine your value is tricky, for they rarely see your true potential. At what point do you put yourself ahead of the greater cause and lay it all out there? At what point do you quit?

Growing up I was taught that quitting was for loser, those that didn’t have any fight in them. But now that I’ve lived a little I can see it is those who quit that actually take life on with every intention of making each moment count. After years of being unhappy I have finally put myself first. I sharpened my scissors and cut through the bullshit that has been holding me back. Sometimes I go out at night and just drive, just me. I purposely get lost, looking for something neat and new to wrap my head around. No one else has to determine where I turn next but me and it is liberating. I don’t know what is around the next corner and I don’t care if I get lost. The adventure for the sake of adventure tugs at my soul and demands I pay attention to anything and nothing all at the same time.

Regret is something that I often oscillate around. Yet that feeling only sticks around when its consequences pop up over and over again, to the point where I feel like I can’t escape. It’s like a beast I can’t kill.

So I decided to run instead. Wipe the slate clean and crush the memories that drain my soul. I’m the only one who can decide what happens tomorrow.

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