What Do I Even Want?
I hope I’ll want to go back to Latin America in six weeks.
About a month ago, I decided to take a pause in my 4.5-month backpacking trip in Central America to fly back to the States. I had a few reasons for coming here, but I never saw this visit as “coming home.” First of all, the town — and state — I’m in at the moment is one I’d never been to before a few weeks ago… so while I am in my home country, I haven’t really “returned” anywhere. And more importantly, this wasn’t the end of my trip—I plan to pick back up where I left off in Costa Rica once I take the rest I need and take care of a few things.
When my laptop took its dying breath in Nicaragua and it became clear that I would have to fly to the States to replace it, I was finally able to release the breath that I’d apparently been holding. I was already growing a little tired of certain aspects of the backpacking-in-Central-America life, and I was relieved to have an excuse to come spend some time with familiar faces and to enjoy several small-but-comforting luxuries that I’ve had the privilege of growing up with here in the States.
Despite how much I love backpacking abroad, it loses its sparkle after a while, and I wasn’t even remotely excited for any of the adventures that Costa Rica — a country that has been at the top of my bucket list for years, and one that was next on my itinerary — had to offer. Don’t get me wrong… I’m incredibly grateful for the chance at living such an adventure, and having the opportunity to see the world. But sometimes, you get so used to it, that simple joys like coming home to my own bed and going on late-night Target runs become the dream.
So, I figured that after taking a brief reset in the States, as I did this past winter between traveling in Europe and setting off for Guatemala, I would feel refreshed and jump at the chance of visiting such a beautiful country.
Unfortunately, I’m having a similar feeling here in Fort Collins that I had in San Francisco last April: watching the friends I’m visiting live their lives— planning fun seasonal activities with their friends and frequenting their favorite coffee shops on a regular basis—I’m beginning to ache again for my own “home base.” A place where I can get around without using GPS, where I get to sleep in my own bed, where I have my own group of friends…
My usual desire to jump back into the constant adventure of solo traveling abroad—which tends to be more of a challenging lifestyle than a leisurely, comforting one—has yet to make itself known. Someday in the next year or so, I do hope to settle down. Probably not permanently, but for well over 6 weeks, which is the longest span of time I’ve slept in one bed within the past year. But until I become proficient (if not fluent) in Spanish—which is what I originally set out to achieve in Latin America—I will not feel “done.”
So, let’s just hope that I’ll feel as excited to book an international flight in a few weeks as I did 6 months ago. And let’s hope that in Costa Rica—or one of the countries I visit soon after—I manage to find a “base” that feels like home.
Written September 25, 2022
